Pride Thief
by The Swordslinger
Summary: It's easy for thieves to target people with goods they want or need. Some do it for the rush of adrenaline, others for a righteous cause. For those in the middle ground, there's no greater pleasure than stealing from other thieves and humiliating them. Naruto Uzumaki fell into a new world after failing Mizuki's fake exam. Now, he finds a proper cause as a Thieving Fox.
1. Prologue

I OWN NOTHING

Rising of the Shield Hero tackles a dark side of the world. Like The Simpsons episode "Homer Badman" showing the hidden reality of scandals and how people manipulate the truth.

**X-X-X-X-X**

"Come on, you are knights so go find that rat!"

"Look down that hall, I'll go this way!"

"Bastard, stealing from the king... Do you think it's-"

"Don't utter the name! Find him!"

A small shadow chortled to himself as he silently clung to a wall, "Suckers!" he cheered and waited for them to scatter before dropping down, revealing himself as a child. He wore a dark orange cloak with buckles to keep it closed like a stylish overcoat and a large hood. He also had a black tunic, a red scarf covering everything below his eyes and black pants loose enough to move fast without hindering him with the legs inside brown leather boots. Glinting blue eyes scanned the halls, filled with as much mischief as the owner. Said owner had a large bag on his back full to the brim with treasure.

Reaching into one of his cloak's many pockets, the tiny thief pulled out a piece of paper designed like a fox's face and placed it on the floor for it to be found by a mustached knight, "What!?" the armored man let a curse out after picking up the calling card, "Damn him! Damn that Thieving Fox! That's the third time this month! Men! He's been here! The Thieving Fox is around the palace!"

Running on the roofs of a medieval city, the thief chortled, "Hahaha! That's what you get for getting the prices so high!" he laughed and jumped. It wouldn't have been surprising for most if not for the fact he'd leap over a building without trying before breakfast! "Alright, time to see what'll be up for breakfast!" he smirked as he made his way through allies, making sure no soul could see him before dashing into one and, as soon as he made sure no one was within hearing range, he opened a window into a small building.

Once inside, the boy was quick to take off his cloak, roll it into a ball, and shove it into the bag before rolling down his scarf, "Naruto..." the voice made him stiffen and turn to reveal himself to a candlelight's glow. He was a young child with a long, messy mop of spiky hair reaching his chin, a foxy face with strange natural marks across his cheeks akin to whiskers, and cerulean blue eyes. His right eye twitched as he was under the eyes of a nun who didn't look very happy with his choice of actions or breaking of the rules. He knew she'd be mad for more than him ignoring the curfew.

"Sister Felicity..." he gave her a trembling grin. Sister Felicity was a five-foot tall, gorgeous young woman with dark coffee-bean colored skin, catty lips, a small, sharp nose, and a fluffy mane of dark pink hair which went down to her waist. Adding to that her heart-shaped face and hourglass figure under her robes, and many men banged their heads and fists on the floor. None that they could be blamed. Each curve of her voluptuous body could bounce marbles off with large breasts to smother men to death and a behind twice as large along a thin waist. It was a marvel her outfit contained that.

Seconds later, he was dragged by the collar by the young nun, "Stealing again?" she asked while holding the candlelight with one hand and his tunic with the other, "Naruto, you're fourteen! Even if you're a child, you'd do better than throw your life to the gutter angering the king!"

"But Sister Felicity, you said the king's just trying to get us killed!" the boy argued.

"I-It was a figure of speech, boy!" she snapped with a heated-up face.

"And yet...hey, you're choking me!" he got free, nursing his neck with a huff, "You said we wouldn't have enough to eat this week because of how much he's raking up the taxes, so I made us even!" he showed her the contents of the bag, baguettes, ham, all assortment of vegetables, wheels of cheese, and even a couple bottles of wine for her.

"Stealing is a sin, boy." She argued, but he was stubborn.

"We don't seem to call it stealing when the king or that daughter of his does it, the bitch." He growled while dusting his clothes, which were his uniform.

Sister Felicity's eyes widened, "Where did you learn that word!?"

"Oh? All knights seem to whisper it when talking of that princess." The boy replied ignorantly, arms crossed, "I never understood what part of her looks like a dog."

Rubbing her face, the nun sighed, "Naruto, don't use that word, and don't steal again." She looked at the food, completely at a conundrum, "Oh, what do I do? If I don't return this, I may as well have stolen it. What would the king say if he found out? What would he do?" she bit her bottom lip at the horror setting in her mind.

"Only one way to deal with it." Naruto replied while rummaging in his bag, "Erase all evidence." He said and handed her a wine bottle.

"You are..." she paused and examined the label, "...a boy with good taste. Fifteen years old, not a bad age."

He beamed at her, "And hey, when people cheat and aren't caught, isn't that called being smart?"

"You're the closest to a devil that I've seen so far." She sighed and took the bottle, "Fine, I guess we have no choice. I can't have the king close this orphanage or do...whatever he could to you." Part of her wanted to praise him, '_And you went through all this trouble to get us some food when we were about to run out._'

"I don't mind." He said bluntly, hands behind his head, "If I can make you smile for taking me in, that's all I'll need, Sister Felicity."

"Again, I've got to question if you are a blessing or a lost little devil." She retorted, "For starters, you said you ended here when you tried to steal a scroll but found a small one near the one you wanted." She recalled his backstory when she first met him, she had just started working at the orphanage.

"Hey, it was a test, I didn't know it'd have a trap like that." The boy explained, "See, I had to take a really big one with many secrets, but I saw a small one just there, on the floor. I just had to check it out. What if it was the real deal and the gigantic one was a decoy?"

"And you woke up here, on Melromarc." The nun ended with a shake of her head, "It almost sounds like you're a hero, but the lack of weapon says otherwise."

"I have my kunais." He replied.

"Magical weapon." She corrected.

"Fine..." he grumbled, puffing his cheeks in a childish pout.

On the next day during lunch, the orphans were eating like kings. "Man, Sister Felicity, where'd you get such good ham!?" asked a girl who wolfed down a large slice.

"Someone brought it for us last night to help us in these hard times." The nun answered with a soft smile.

Eating as well as them, the one responsible felt like boasting, "Possibly a handsome rogue!" Naruto smirked while enjoying a large sandwich. Sister Felicity would've smacked him upside the head for committing the sin of pride but had to keep appearances. She struggled to keep a groan on the back of her throat and kept cooking for the children.

Once they were done eating, the children were left out, "Don't get too far. Be careful while playing around."

"Yes!" the kids replied, but one was up to something else.

Naruto grinned cheekily after sneaking out of the orphanage, his thief outfit on, "Sorry, Sister Felicity, I got the biggest target waiting for me." he said from the roofs as he examined the streets, waiting for his mark until he appeared, "There she is." He narrowed his eyes at the form of a young woman with red hair done in a stylish ponytail. Her breastplate and rest of her clothing left little to the imagination and weren't cheap or worthy of her in his opinion. Also, while the redhead was good-looking she didn't hold a candle to Sister Felicity, he thought.

Landing on an alley near the man, the boy smirked as he looked at the streets before dashing forward, "Huh?" the redhead said, a flirty grin present on his face, "Now, now, don't be shy, Hero." Her words had Naruto tense up as he hid behind several barrels, but the redhead was speaking to another figure.

"Hero?" Naruto echoed and observed a youth with messy black hair in a black chainmail coat following his target. "That guy is from another world? Is he like me?" looking at the passing boy, he quirked a brow due to his weapon, "A shield? What the Hell? Did he draw the shortest straw?" Observing them leave, he pondered what to do, "Robbing that annoying princess was today's big plan, but if the heroes have arrived and I just missed it, I gotta see what's up." he rubbed his scarf-covered chin, "It doesn't hurt to see."

However, just as he was about to follow him, a fellow blond with his hair in a ponytail passed by, holding a spear, "...that Naofumi's luck, don't you think?" he asked a group of girls following him with a smile, "He'd be alone without her, and she's good-looking, too. Although, I can't say I envy him too much with you girls around." Naruto fake-gagged as he bore holes into the lancer's head with his disgusted stare.

"Please, don't be teasing us like that." One of the girls said with a smile, souring Naruto's mood even more.

"Ugh, pretty boys like him and Sasuke piss me off." He grinned at an idea, '_Fine, I'm taking his wallet first. If he's a hero, he's gotta be paid by that old fart of a king. I bet that's tax money the orphanage could use. And I could use some new books to learn how to pick locks. As a hero, he's got the responsibility to help those in need: Sister Felicity and me_.'

Keeping a low profile, he leapt into one of the roofs without anyone noticing due to his speed. In a flash, he was running without making a sound as he examined the lancer. Plenty of show like himself, but was he a skilled fighter or savvy in stealth? One easy and fast way to find out appeared when he entered a shop to buy gear for himself and the girls following him. On top of the shop's rooftops, he calmly put his hands in a seal. A cloud of smoke engulfed him, dissipating as quickly as it appeared, and revealed a female employee.

"Motoyasu-sama, could you get me this?" a girl asked, holding a new robe.

"Hey, we gotta see what the others choose, I don't want to play favorites with such cute girls, it'd break my heart." The ponytailed blond said.

The disguised Naruto, posing as a brunette with green eyes and a petite frame, stuck out his tongue in disgust, "I'm gonna get sick with this guy..."

"Oh, did you say something, miss?" the lancer, Motoyasu asked and Naruto put on a pleasant smile.

"Nothing to worry about, sir. I see you're the hero, so please feel free to look around at your leisure. The boss just told me you'll get a huge discount." He said with a sweet voice which would make any man melt, a bow of the head to show some of the assets he gifted the fake female employee form he took, and a bright grin.

"Oh, such generosity! I ought to pay you handsomely for this, but if the boss is offering, I guess I'll tip ya!" the lancer said and handed the fake girl five silver coins.

"Take your time, sir." Naruto said with a warm tone, and then smirked when Motoyasu's back was turned to him before he quickly pulled a kunai from his back, "I will be handling some stuff at the back. Have a nice day." Lightning fast, he cut a hole on the wallet, letting several of the coins fall into his hands, '_Idiot will now think he's lost this cash because of the hole._'

"Hey!" said a real employee who had been about to get one of Motoyasu's party members another tunic to try on in the dressing room, "Who are you!?"

Once Motoyasu turned, he heard the coins hit the floor and saw the ones the thief had taken, "What's this!? What are you doing, miss!?" he shouted in shock.

Growling, Naruto decided to come as clean as a thief would, "Screw it." In a cloud of smoke, he revealed himself as the Thieving Fox, "Good luck catching me, dumbass!" he said and pulled down an eyelid just to spite the womanizer wannabe. It had the desired effect of pissing off the lancer who had just realized he had been robbed.

"Why you!" Motoyasu swung his spear, but for Naruto he was too slow.

"Are you trying to hit me tomorrow!?" the blond taunted as he leapt over the strike and ran for the door, only to have it blocked when Motoyasu threw his spear at it, closing it as soon as he pulled the handle. It surprised him enough for Motoyasu to summon back his spear and charge, which didn't worry the cheeky boy, "Heh, are you mad I was your type?" he taunted, letting him swing his weapon in an arc to duck under while breaking the shop's window to the real employee's horror.

"Ah, dammit! Stop moving around!" Motoyasu shouted, but Naruto had an idea as he grabbed some of the glass shards and held them like throwing knives. "You won't escape-" Motoyasu had been too slow when Naruto threw the glass at the curtains behind him. Curtains which hid nubile bodies in states of undress. The owners of said bodies shrieking in fear and shock got the lancer's attention. Three seconds later, the hero of the spear passed out with a nosebleed while the Thieving Fox ran away scot-free on the rooftops.

"Ahahaha! Stealing from arrogant dumbasses is the best!" he laughed as he kept running and jumping, "If that guy was this easy, then that princess will be a piece of cake!"

Little did he know that he'd stumble into something much bigger.

**X-X-X-X-X**

And that's my rap!

The Rising of the Shield Hero has been everyone's obsession lately and I'm trying to be trendy. In all seriousness, I do enjoy the show and couldn't be more up for its simple message regarding scandals. Nowadays, you can see how this could happen. Like with Homer Badman, where Homer was branded as a sex offender for a tiny mistake and his life spiraled down from there.

It speaks of how people want things to be black and white to not have their precious sensibilities challenged, doesn't it? Once I recall a female student said a teacher touched her. Years later, she admitted it was a lie because the guy took her phone. What happened to him? He committed suicide. Reality's a bitch, and when satire's close to it, we ought to question ourselves.

Swordslinger out!


	2. New Goal in Life

I OWN NOTHING

Everyone enjoys seeing Naofumi talk smack to those who wronged him, I loved when Raphtalia told the nobles they aren't worth her master's time.

**X-X-X-X-X**

As two knights talked in their middle of a nightly patrol on the streets of Melromarc, Naruto waited for them to leave his sight, "Come on, move with your feet and not your mouths. Night's not going to be young forever, you know?" he sighed while atop the roof of an inn where he knew what room to target.

"Did you hear about the monsters in Lute Village's cave?"

"Yeah, some horrible monster mutt has made their mines its playground."

"Do you think we'll go there? I mean, it is our village."

"Tch, not likely. Did you know the princess wants to rise the taxes?"

"Again? Come on, my grandma's barely got enough to eat."

"Be glad it's her little sister who'll be queen and not her."

"Could she at least put a leash on that bitch?"

"Don't say that out loud, it's bad enough we have to watch over her room."

"If that Thieving Fox come in, we may as well let him knock us out..."

"Tempting...I'll admit it's tempting."

Entering the inn where the heroes rested in to loot the place, Naruto sighed, "And I thought I wasn't popular." Closing the window to one of the rooms, the teen stealthily made his way around. Opening the drawers of the nightstands revealed jewelry, every piece immediately put in the young thief's bag, "What's with women and jewels? At least makeup makes sense."

Hearing the doorknob rattling, he swiftly jumped out the window, hanging by the edge, "Do you think Motoyasu-sama will look my way?" asked one of the girls who followed the lancer, souring the thief's mood. A mental note was made to loot his room as well, "He seems to try to treat ladies fairly, but he's obviously got some preferences."

Another girl frowned, "I don't know, he was talking a lot about angels."

"Eh, really? Well, good thing the princess is anything but." Said the third, "Honestly, I wouldn't mind that Thieving Fox robbing her."

"Sh, don't say that too loudly," one warned, "even if I agree."

"At least she's with that Shield Hero. Poor guy, though, he doesn't know she may be into him just for the hero status."

"Agreed, I swear she first joined Motoyasu-sama to be a power couple and get the throne from her little sister."

"Well, the Heroes do have something cool and alluring about them, even the poor guy stuck with the Shield."

"Eh, he's not that handsome or smart, I bet he'll just drag the others along."

"Agreed." The other two said, Naruto feeling sorry for whoever the Shield Hero was and angry at the women's attitude.

'_Okay, I am so stealing all their clothes while they sleep and hanging it on the streets._' He made a special mental note to not only leave Motoyasu nude but put something on him. Perhaps grinded chili pepper or an assortment of critters. Mice, frogs, bugs... A prankster like him had only the sky as the limit in his own art, the art of ruining arrogant people's days.

As he climbed up, his crime was found, "Hey, what happened to the magic earrings Motoyasu-sama bought for me!?"

"That ring he got me is gone! Which of you two took it!?"

"Don't lie, hussy, I saw you eyeing the necklace the Hero gave me, give it back!"

As a catfight ensued with all three sides blaming each other, Naruto made his way to another room, '_Asleep like a corpse._' he examined the figure, a male with a mop of dark hair and a sword at his side, '_He must be the Sword Hero. Ugh, the fact he looks like such a cold pretty boy even while asleep pisses me off_.' He quickly opened the drawers and grabbed a handful of silver coins, '_Can't steal all their money or that king would just give them more. Dammit, just thinking about him handing these strangers cash instead of helping Sister Felicity gets my blood boiling._'

With that in mind, he ignored the steering Hero, "Mmm, delicious pancakes..." he mumbled and slowly sat up, "I could use some syrup."

"You could use another nap." Naruto said with a makeshift club in hand. A swift bop across the hero's head had him asleep once again, '_If these guys are going to protect us, the king may as well sacrifice someone to appease the Waves. I'm sure everyone will vote for his daughter._' He dreaded the idea of leaving his and the orphanage's safety to them, but he had robbing to do.

Soon, he got into another room by walking down the empty hall, "Who's there?" asked a teen with fluffy blond hair and a baby face.

'_Did they pick these guys based on their good looks?_' Naruto groaned as he snuck behind the Hero whose weapon, a bow, was slung over a shoulder. Using the same club from before, he wasn't noticed despite his colorful cloak and smacked him upside the head. Quickly, he caught the archer and dumped him on his bed before taking his cash, but then realized he was on the short side and had decent light gear.

"One shot...one kill... My aim is true..." the archer mumbled while Naruto checked up his duds.

"Too fancy." He groaned while tossing aside a white tunic, "Too small, does he even eat?" he asked after throwing a pair of slacks on the floor, "Ugh, too tight." He groaned and struggled to slip his feet out of a boot, "Hmm, not bad." He said as he checked his reflection on the mirror, admiring his new, simple brown leather vest and its many pouches, "Thanks for the gift, dumbass."

Finally, he reached a room he wanted to visit, his ear to the door to check if his target slept, but... "Motoyasu-sama, please, keep me safe." Said a familiar redhead.

"Wait, Mein, are you sure he-" Motoyasu tried to speak, but the princess sobbed into his chest.

"Why else would I be here!?" she wailed, "I...I can't believe it, just because of the wine, he lunged at me! If he hadn't been drunk, he could have...could..." more crying.

"Naofumi...that bastard." Anger flared in Motoyasu's eyes, and the boy had an idea why.

'_A Hero attacked her? Could it..._' he paused, '_Doesn't hurt to check._' Slipping into the shadows, he found the Shield Hero's room. A surprised gasp threatened to jump out of his throat when he placed his ear on the door. He heard a low, soft snoring, '_Is he...?_' he looked through the keyhole, eyes wide, '_He's asleep! Did he really-_' his question was stopped when he accidentally opened the door.

Looking around, he feared for the worst, "I'll get the bastard!" Motoyasu roared, just as Naruto slipped into the Shield Hero's room to hide from him.

'_Stick a fork in me, I'm done._' He panicked but paid attention to look for an exit, '_Window's closed tight, but there's no helping...it?_' he looked around more with increasing shock, '_The room's already been robbed!_' he knew, a skilled thief had to be able to find all the goods at a first glance and he had experience, '_I know I haven't been here, so why is it so empty?_'

"Wait, Motoyasu-sama!" he heard the princess start and a body pressed to the door, "Let's call in the knights, please! If you take justice into your own hands like this... Who knows what people would tell of you as a hero." She sobbed while the young thief ground his teeth.

"Fine, let's get to the castle before he wakes up." Naruto gave an inward sigh of relief when the lancer said that...and then heard it.

One simple clicking sound echoed in the room into his ears, '_She...locked the door..._' his shock grew, '_Why would she- Dammit, I need to get out!_' as he was about to do so, he looked at the sleeping Hero. His title, a burden given to him to protect those who summoned him against his will, could be of help to him, right? Naruto couldn't fool himself, but, '_I can't grow a conscience, I'm a thief!_' Grinding his teeth, he opened the window and quietly muttered, "Sorry...I can't have Sister Felicity see me behind bars."

Leaving the Hero to his luck, he made his way to the orphanage, entering it quietly after taking off his disguise. Quietly and quickly, he put all the goods under his bed in a hole he made by removing planks, "Naruto?" he was a lot quicker when hiding on his bed, kicking a set of bundled laundry aside, "Asleep at last." Said Sister Felicity as she entered the room, picking up his boots.

'_Damn, why does she always appear at the worst time?_' he shut his eyes tight and rolled in his bed, attempting to not react to her hand caressing his cheek.

"Dear God, please watch over this one." She softly prayed, "His eyes, even if he doesn't tell, carry a lot of pain. Make sure he finds a proper future." She got up and smiled at him, "Naruto, thank you for not getting into trouble today." With that, the beautiful nun left the boy after closing his door, to which he rolled up to stare at his ceiling.

'_God, huh?_' he looked out his window to the sky, '_I have no future but helping her the way I do. All I got is my skills. I'm not smart, I don't have the attitude for a legit job, and no one would adopt me. I am a pain for her, so throw what you have at me. I'll make sure she doesn't cry, but I'll make damn sure she and the others don't suffer because of that king and his bratty daughter either._'

With a devil may care smile, he went to sleep, he had business to attend to later.

X-X-X-X-X

"Naruto, take care." Sister Felicity told him as he walked out of the orphanage after lunch.

"Hey, you know me." he beamed at her, "There's no way I could get in trouble."

She narrowed her eyes, "Yes, there is. Please, don't make me worry."

"You know I'm too good, but don't worry, I'm not looking for trouble now." He said and waved.

"I swear...trusting that boy is like shaking hands with a devil." The beauty of a nun said, rubbing her cheek in worry.

And speaking of devils, "Hm, these are quite good items you got, boy." Said Naruto's main costumer for stolen goodies in his tent. He was a short, creepy-looking man with a stylish suit complete with a red bow tie, glasses and a top hat. He'd also were a sinister omnipresent grin on his face. Adding to that the two bushy patches on both sides below his nose that he called a mustache, and Naruto was certain he was a villain.

"How much?" Naruto asked in his thief outfit but with his face revealed: hood down, scarf around his neck, and arms crossed.

"20 silver for each." The man beamed, holding up two fingers.

"Make it thirty each." The boy demanded.

"20, and I'll give you a tool to help in your trade." That piqued the kid's interest.

"Deal, so long as it's good." Naruto said and followed the man into a tent, sneering at the merchandise in cages, "Ugh...why am I not robbing you blind?"

"Because it's in our mutual interest I don't tell the guards about a boy whose first big mistake was to target me." Naruto winced as if stuck by a dagger, "Be glad I saw your potential, boy. Not many would be able to just get close enough to see my wallet. Also, remember that this is still a legal business. Sadly, that speaks of our 'wise' king, doesn't it?"

"I'm doing most of this to piss him off." The blond retorted, "Anyway, let's finish this soon, Eggman." He couldn't help it, the man's small, rotund form made him look like a walking egg.

"Ah, such a nickname despite our friendship, you're truly a blunt associate." The mustached merchant cheered and went into a smaller tent, looking for the cash and something else. As he did, Naruto observed the man's many wares in disgust, "Oh, do you fancy a slave now, boy? Or are you still not interested?" the slave trader said without turning.

"Just pay me already." The thief growled, then noticed a demi-human, a tiny raccoon girl whose teary eyes said everything. Without saying a word, the boy tossed one of the cookies he stole from the Sword Hero's drawer to her. Swiftly, the sickly-looking girl began eating before Naruto resumed his glaring into the slave trader's soul.

"Here it is, a book about locks and all you need to know about them, and a magical lockpick." He grinned as he handed Naruto the item.

"Wait, isn't this insanely expensive?" he questioned.

"Not a problem, I see it as an investment." The slave merchant chortled, "The more skilled you become, the better the merchandise I can sell."

"You're hopeless." The blond groaned, "At least this gives me as close to a job as I'll ever get."

"Why? Would you be interested in doing something else?" the portly man asked with a glint in his eyes.

"Listen, I need to pay rent and stealing is the only thing I'm good at, so shut up and let go of your wallet." He grinned at the end as he lifted said item, surprising the merchant. He felt pretty satisfied...until the short man beamed in pride, "What's with the grin, Eggman?"

The slave trader smiled wider, "When we first met, you were so wet behind the ears you couldn't fool me. Yes, I see now I've invested correctly. Feel free to take a couple coins as a tip, a reward for your improvement." Naruto did as told and gave the man his wallet back, "Ah, still a thief with honor."

"Just one looking for himself and those that matter." He said threateningly, "Because if you tell of this to Sister Felicity-"

"I'd regret it regardless of how hard I tried to escape you." The grin he kept irked Naruto more, "Worry not, I wouldn't dare lose such a profitable partner. Even less when you could aid me."

"Is the pay good?" Naruto put a hand on his hip, eyeing the man carefully.

"I've been told this costumer is worth looking out for." The merchant told him, then aimed a finger behind Naruto. "After all, she wants a talk with you."

"Who?" Naruto gasped as he turned to see a cloaked woman with an eye-mask kneeling behind him.

"Naruto Uzumaki, also known as the Thieving Fox." She said calmly but gave no hint that she would engage him in battle.

"Tch, right now I feel like the world's stupidest thief." The boy said and was ready to pull out a kunai if needed, though he gripped a special bag on his back.

"We've heard of you from the king and have been looking for you regarding your crimes." She put him on high alert, "Which is why you should listen if you are interested in a royal pardon."

"Pardon?" he echoed.

"Allow me to explain." She got up and unrolled a scroll, revealing she had said document at hand, "A document to forgive you of your crimes of theft against the crown for your services to-"

"Yeah, you'd be better off trying to catch me." he smirked at her, "No way am I working for such a spineless scumbag like that old fart or his daughter." He pulled out the bag and threw it at the floor, revealing it to be full of ash to create a cloud, "See you, lady!" he chortled and ran off, but inwardly cursed, '_Dammit, time for plan B! I'll have to burn all documents linking me to the orphanage. Sorry, Sister Felicity, but please act as if I never existed!_' he tried to run off, to get as far away as possible...only to be halted by quite a surprise.

"Naruto..." said none other than Sister Felicity.

"Wha-" he yelped, but his scream died in his throat as the nun grabbed him by the lapels and judo-tossed him to the ground!

"You foolish child!" she exclaimed while putting him in an arm-lock! "I fed you, raised you, tried to be patient and teach you of the ways God gave us to be better people! I even tell you to be mindful of the lies from the church, yes! But I'm the woman who tried to make you into a proper man, not a mess!"

"S-Sister, my arm's not supposed to bend that way!" the boy cried, tapping the floor as he gave up.

"We've got a lot to talk about, so don't think about running." She said sternly.

Then, the masked woman appeared, cold and unconcerned about the act of child abuse, "Felicity."

"Yes, I hear you, sister." The nun said, getting up and removing her robe to reveal herself as another masked figure.

"What the Hell's going on?" Naruto asked seated on the floor.

"I could tell, but I was paid in advance to have them meet you." The slave trader chortled, "Of course, I wouldn't sell you, my dear partner. That pardon convinced me it was worth letting you be in contact. I do hope from the bottom of my heart that you may forgive me."

"Get bent, Eggman!" the kid snapped.

"That's a no." Sister Felicity sighed, rubbing her face, "Naruto, listen, I was assigned to look over the orphanage by the queen. As a way to ensure no children would be used by some of the...most questionable men and women under the king's blessings. But also to find potential allies to join us."

"And I'm one?" the boy pointed to himself, "If so, why let me steal all the Heroes' things and sell them?"

The fake-nun grumbled, "I tried, and I mean wholeheartedly did my best to put a stop to that habit of yours." Her icy stare put him on edge, like a mother accusing her son of stealing from the cookie jar, "Unfortunately, you were too good, and the rest of us, the Shadows, wanted to see how good an asset you could be."

"Alright, so, let me get this straight." The boy pointed to himself, "I'm such a badass thief that you," he pointed at them, "a secret service of the queen's wants to recruit me? What for?"

"To aid the Shield Hero." The brunette said.

"Huh?" the boy replied dumbfoundedly.

"It is a long story, but one you couldn't have prevented, sadly." Felicity started, "Of course, it happened too fast, and I doubt the kingdom would believe a boy over who governs them. Let alone one whose only way to know is due to his profession as a thief."

"Why are you telling me this?" he wasn't as bright as he liked to believe he was, but he was sharp, "Hey, Sister, what did I do wrong? You only say that when I mess up bad."

Looking at each other, the women started to explain. Once they were done, the boy ran off, "Naruto!" Felicity called out to him, but he shouted back.

"Don't stop me, I'll fix this!" the boy yelled in anger, his eyes burning with fury as he left, '_I...because I left him to rot to save my own hide... GOD DAMN IT!_'

Felicity was about to go after him, but the other woman placed a hand on her shoulder, "He has made his mind, we've seen how he really is."

Giving her a firm nod, Felicity sighed with a pained smile, "I do pray for him because I know he has the makings of a good man. Good luck, Naruto."

X-X-X-X-X

"That Shield Hero? Why would you look for such a bastard?" asked a merchant Naruto questioned.

'_Shit, just like...them._' he growled inwardly.

"He's the worst of scum, don't associate with him, kid."

"Such a piece of scum is better off dead."

"If you want to punch the guy, he's run off to the forest."

'_Dammit, everyone here, every single one of these assholes..._' Naruto's blood boiled as he saw their smirks. From the lowest of the low to the snobbiest of the knights, none cared about what they said, they just said it without a second thought, '_All of these cowards shun him for a lie, something that wasn't even his fault! Dammit! It's as if I never left the Leaf Village!_'

Days passed in his quest to find the Hero where people either didn't want to associate themselves with him or they didn't care, until, "Hey, kid." He was approached by a strong bald man with a beard. He had a scar on his face and the age of a veteran as well as the strength to force punks to leave him alone, "I've seen you asking for the Shield Hero."

"I'm going to help him." Naruto said with stern eyes, "And I'm not changing my mind. I'm fed up with the way people act when it comes to the guy."

Looking him in the eye, the man closed his with a heavy breath, "Eyes like yours and his say a lot, kid." The man said, "I've seen him go to a tavern nearby. He just paid off some stuff I gave him."

That said a lot, "Thanks, old man." The boy grinned and left running.

Sooner than later, he found the Hero, bitter eyes staring blankly at a couple of thugs trying to mug him, "I've no reason to pay for your gear. If you want to work with me, you better pull your own weight. Or did you think I was going to desperately pay for scumbags like you looking for profit before dumping me?" Naofumi already made himself a likeable character for Naruto.

"Well, if that's how you want it." One of the thugs started, pulling a cheap sword to strike the Hero.

Just as said Hero was ready to use his Shield, a kunai stopped the blade, "Hey there, morons!" the kid taunted them, Naofumi going wide-eyed in surprise.

"A kid?" he gasped when the boy kicked the attacker, sending him rolling ten yards back.

"Grr, out of the way, you damn brat!" another thug snarled, pulling out an axe. Naruto was quick on his feet and decided to taunt him with a smirk and a wagging finger, telling him to get close. Once the man was in swinging range, the boy pulled out his kunais, held them in inverted grips, and dashed at him. In a split second, he was right behind him.

"Too slow." He mocked his enemy as the man fell, unconscious and with his axe cut in two. Then, he turned to the last of the three crooks, "Wanna go next?"

"I-I won't forget this!" the thug said as Naruto sighed and sheathed his kunais.

"Bunch of pansies." He said, then held up three small cloth bags in a hand, "Huh? All copper? About...twenty!? Yikes, they were really desperate."

"Hey, who the Hell are you?" Naofumi asked with a scowl, "Let me guess... 'The evil Shield Hero took those men's money and tried to attack me' sounded too good as a story, right?"

"No, not at all." The boy replied quickly, "Listen, it's a long story, but I want to help you."

"Help me?" the youth frowned deeper, "Last time I heard that, I was foolish enough to not feel the damn knife in my back."

"Just so you know, I know the story." The blond said firmly, "About how you assaulted the princess. But...I know the truth."

Naofumi paused, looking as if strangled, but narrowed his eyes soon after, '_Either he's a good actor or this could be a part of that woman's-_' he was surprised when the kid handed him a large bag of silver coins, and the added bonus of something he made sure to steal to make him happy, "That's...the chainmail that bitch got me..."

Naruto smirked, "I sneaked into that spear-wielding pretty boy's room to steal it along some of his money." Then he produced a set of jewelry from his other hand, "I also stole some of that arrogant princess' stuff for you to sell." Naofumi hated the redhead enough to burn every detail to despise about her in his mind, so he could tell it was the real deal.

"...why...?" he finally asked.

"What do you mean why?" Naruto retorted, "I hate them as much as you and want to piss them off, among other things."

"Don't lie!" Naofumi screamed, grabbing a then shocked boy by the lapels, "You could've helped me, and now do this! Why!? What compelled you to do this now!?"

Guilt hit the boy, '_I...I have to tell him, but..._' he looked down and thought his words, "I'm a thief. Not because I wanted to, but because the orphanage I lived in needed the food. Thanks to the king and his daughter making taxes higher and higher, I had no choice. One night, I was about to steal from all you Heroes since your money comes from those taxes, but I...overheard the princess talking to the Spear Dumbass."

"Why...?" Naofumi shook from anger, resentment, despair, "Why leave me to rot?"

"I'm a thief!" Naruto shouted back, only to be thrown with his back hitting a wall.

"Go steal a proper conscience, then!" Naofumi shouted and was about to leave...

Until someone appeared, "Now, now, dear sir, that's no way to treat a proper partner." Said the slave trader.

"You..." Naruto gasped in surprise.

"If you'd follow me, I can show you more trustworthy party members than the boy." The merchant said, "However, even I'll admit my choices don't come close to his skills."

"Why would I trust you, then." Naofumi growled bitterly.

"Because his merchandise is slaves." Naruto answered.

And so, the two followed the spectacled man, who took them to his tent, inside which Naofumi observed the 'merchandise' with cold, dead eyes, "I've got everything you could need. Warriors, servants, you name it. And as they are slaves, demi-humans and beastmen alike cannot betray you."

"Dammit, don't listen to him and just let me tag along." Naruto said, "Listen, I've only dealt with this guy because no one else would buy the stuff I steal. You don-"

"Shut up." Naofumi told him coldly, "At this rate, I can't afford to hear the rambling of someone who already failed me."

Naruto growled but didn't say a thing, knowing Naofumi was right, '_I...I'm just as bad as the villagers from the Leaf. Not only do I know what he feels, but...I left him to that same fate for my own profit. Dammit, I'm just..._' he hung his head low, staring miserably at the ground.

As the chatter kept going, Naruto tried to think of ways to convince Naofumi, but there wasn't time, "I'll take her." He pointed to a familiar sickly raccoon girl.

"W-wait!" Naruto exclaimed, "Look at her, she can't even fight! I can!"

"I'll train her." Naofumi's coldness cut Naruto.

And so, a helpless Naruto could only see how a girl was branded, his mind running on fumes, "There, it is now done."

"Your name." Naofumi demanded from the girl while a stunned Naruto tried to think.

'_He's not going to trust me. He'd rather have a slave, and all because I...I abandoned him, just like everyone abandoned me. And, worst of all, he's trapped here. He doesn't have anyone here like I had Sister Felicity when I first arrived._' Grinding his teeth hard enough they could have cracked, his hopelessness stirred something in the merchant.

"Sorry, boy, but he's a good costumer." The merchant told Naruto, giving him a desperate idea, "Selling yourself to him isn't going to be-"

"Wait, take me as a slave as well!" the boy shouted, a palm on his chest.

"What!?" everyone asked in shock.

Clenching the hand on his chest into a fist, Naruto spoke firmly, "It may be the only way I can redeem myself for this. Let's make a deal, Naofumi. I'll be your slave. Boss me around all you want, insult me to your and anyone's heart's content! But let me show you I'm not abandoning you!" he looked the Hero in the eyes, "Until my debt's repaid, you're my master! You can free me or keep me as your bodyguard!"

"You...sure have a lot of guts to say that." Naofumi wasn't in the mood, but he was intrigued, "Earlier you said you'd do this to stick it to the king, and now you'd let me be as bad as he is to me with you. Why would you throw aside your freedom?" he expected an answer while the raccoon girl at his side stared at them in confusion. Naruto spoke without fear.

"If they're so proud of their lies, then I'll steal them." His eyes burnt with sincerity and determination, "I'll rob them of their lies and leave nothing but the truth." He offered Naofumi a hand, which the fallen Hero's mind had to question first. And yet, there was something in the thief's eyes motivating the boy from what he saw as the dishonesty and hypocrisy of people who claimed to be much more important than both of them, "And in doing so, I may as well steal their pride and wallets."

The mischievous smirk he gave the Hero convinced him even as Naofumi kept a stone-cold face, "If you are to aid me, know that I won't allow you to backstab me."

"Fine, I get you." The bond replied, "I know what it's like to be shunned by others for crap you didn't ask for, so let's work together as outcasts."

Naofumi was about to speak, but out of the corner of his eye he could see the stats:

-NAME: Naruto Uzumaki

-CLASS: Thief

-LEVEL 5

-WEAPON: Twin daggers

-SKILLS: Pickpocket (Takes enemy gear/cash/materials), Flurry Slash (may inflict Bleed), Decisive Slash (inflicts Bleed), Swift Dodge (Avoids any strike), Direct Stab (inflicts Stun and Bleed), Transformation (inflicts Stun or lowers defense depending on the target), Taunt (heavily lowers defense and evasion), Dig (to set a trap or for escapes), Ash Screen (disorients enemies).

And he knew what to say next, '_I can't believe how honest he is...Fine, no other choice, then._' He took the kid's hand and shook it, "You're not fit to be a slave, but if you betray me, I will make you regret being born and any life choice which brought you into this world."

Beaming at him, the boy didn't falter, "I'm going to make you happy for having me." he then pulled out a larger bag of silver coins, "Did I tell you I stole from all three other Heroes?"

Naofumi smirked, he was seeing the benefits of a thief in his party.

**X-X-X-X-X**

And that's my rap!

Before you argue with stuff like, "BWAH! NARUTO SHOULD TOTALLY BE BADASS AND NOT BOW TO ANYONE!" let's recall he basically screwed up Naofumi by not helping him. It's the simple principle of what'll happen if you claim to fight for freedom but don't fight for those you dislike. If you don't help anyone in need, what makes you think you're worth helping? At least he is trying to atone for it any way he can.

Also, don't go, "RWARGH! NARUTO'S TOO DAMN WEAK, YOU NERFING HAX WRITER!" I need to balance this crap out somehow to not have him overpower everyone from the start but also allow him to grow and develop without the crazy overpowered chakra jutsus he got in his manga. Also, he's still a trainee who hasn't learned the Shadow Clone Technique, he's weak next to this world's heavy hitters, for now.

And lastly, don't be like, "GUYAH! MAKE NARUTO HAVE ALL THE POWERS, ABILITIES AND GIRLS BECAUSE I SAY SO!" Because that'll make me want to not do it. I've only made a couple stories where Naruto is OP, in both I make him an antagonist or as outnumbered as possible to give him a fair challenge. Kinda like the fights against Thanos in Infinity Wars.

Swordslinger out!


	3. Almost charming rogue

I OWN NOTHING

Before I start, I'd like to give a BIG thank you to tarrangar for his critique. Spyder pointed out flaws, but I can't reply to guest reviewers to brainstorm.

**POLL CHOICE:** Melty only.

**X-X-X-X-X**

"I'll be taking the cash, but you have to do something to prove your worth to me." Naofumi said, hefting the bag on one hand.

"And what of the chainmail?" Naruto held up said item, which the Hero glared at as if insulted.

"Burn it or sell it, the less I see of a reminder of that bitch, the better." His hatred was venomous and palpable. "Also, don't interrupt me." Everyone took a step back, but he calmed down while feeling the amount of coins he was handed, "At the moment, I need to worry about other things. Equipment for Raphtalia and myself, food, shelter, medicine..." he sighed as he looked at the girl.

"Oh, do you want to change her for another?" the merchant asked.

"Actually...the complete opposite." The shield wielder replied, walking to the raccoon girl, "You'll be high maintenance, so better earn what I'm about to invest on you." The girl nodded fast, striking Naruto's nerve, "You will fight the demons for me." and that had the boy speak up.

"Wait, wait, wait! I'm still here!"

"So you are." Naofumi said dully. "It doesn't change my plans, as I need someone who can't betray me to be my weapon, so Raphtalia will fight for me and-"

The boy snapped, "Listen, I'm the one who screwed you over, you can free this girl from Eggman and-"

"Let me continue instead of cutting in." Naofumi interrupted the boy coldly, "I want to use your thief abilities to the fullest, another reason I am not making you a slave." He pointed to the jewels he had taken from Mein, "If you can really sneak in that bitch's room, I need you to keep an eye on her at all costs. Make sure she doesn't breathe without me knowing."

"Ah, eyes on your enemy." The merchant chortled. "Good strategy. Keep friends close, but enemies closer. And in doing so, I've got an offer to make it easier."

"A perfect merchant, always looking forward to making business." Naofumi said dully.

"Hey, how come he can interrupt you?" Naruto asked like the impatient boy he was.

For once, the youth wasn't dry or sarcastic, "Because I was letting you reply, and he was faster." He then pondered, "Did he...plan for this?"

"Eggman always has a trick up his sleeve, trust me." the blond said.

"I'm a man who seizes opportunity." The small man chortled, "Here it is...a two-way set of crystal balls." He handed each a small leather wrist-band with a semispherical crystal on one side, like a wristwatch. "These items are extremely rare, but I shall grant them to you for a special price since I see more business from working with you. Perfect for you."

"Like I said..." the blond groaned, checking the magical item, "So, how do we do this?"

Once both had put them on, they turned to the top-hat wearing man for an explanation, "Channel your desire to talk to the other person, and they won't make a noise or give any signal, yet they'll let them know you're trying to talk to them. For the sake of your stealth, boy, you don't even need to talk to send a message."

"Hmm..." Naofumi hummed and looked at his watch.

Then, Naruto blinked in confusion, "Do you really want me to steal a ham sandwich?"

"It was a test." The youth said, "But now I see what you mean perfect for us."

"Why thank you, I aim to please." The man replied before bowing apologetically, "However, I must warn you, these items can only serve to communicate from afar. They can't show images like regular crystal balls. It's one of the reasons they are so rare."

"So long as we can talk, it'll be fine." Naruto said and looked at Naofumi with a burning will inside his eyes.

"Naruto, you know what to do." The Hero told the thief, "Don't let that bitch escape your eyes or ears. And if you are caught-"

"I'll destroy this crystal ball and pretend to be a random thief with no association to the Shield Hero." The blond shrugged. "At worst, as a kid I'll have to work for them, but I can escape their prison cells even in my sleep." The fact he had checked the jail and known so confidently he could escape from such a place was worrying for the youth. "What? I heard the guards had good pastries."

However, he had another point, "Listen to people and for once let them finish talking." The Hero said, "If you're caught, contact me immediately, and I'll find a way to bust you out."

"What?" Naruto breathed out in a whisper, inaudible against Raphtalia when she started to cough.

"Let's go." The young man said, taking the girl's hand, "Hey..." he stared at the merchant after pausing.

"I am Beloukas, my good sir." The portly man bowed with his hat on his chest.

"Where's the nearest drugstore?" his question made the others see what kind of man he was, and while the girl was shocked, the other two smiled as the merchant answered. Naruto grinned as he left and did as told. After all, if there was one thing he was good at it was being a pain, and he had finally found someone worth of all the trouble he could cause.

X-X-X-X-X

It was nighttime at the castle of Merlomarc, the perfect time to strike.

"Hmm, what to start with?" Naruto hummed devilishly to himself once inside the castle. He had already looted some things on his way in. Breaking a window as a diversion got the guards out and allowed him to go in, slipping past the armored men while the door to their quarters remained open. Swiftly, he launched himself to the nearest set of shadows and leapt from one dark corner to the next in the halls.

Finally, he found his mark in the middle of a set of stairs, "Can you be any slower?" rhetorically asked the princess.

"Lady Malty, I'm-" a knight from the platoon kneeling in front of her was silenced by her snapping, although she didn't even look at them.

"Just tell me if you've found ways to promote the three Heroes as saviors!" her face was twisted in anger. Naruto would've winced in pity for the knight, but he couldn't care less from his hiding spot behind a piece of decorative armor, "Make it fast, too. Our three Heroes have reported a loss of the funds we handed them. We can't let them lose their dignity any further."

"Y-yes, we have some requests from nearby villages." One of the men, a knight with a double chin and a pencil mustache who Naruto particularly hated, answered, "Apparently, Lute village has a problem with one of the First Wave's demons inside their mines. So-"

"Forget it." She snarled, "If we let people think we didn't kill all the demons in one go, they'll doubt my father and I."

"B-but Princess!" a young, slim knight exclaimed, "I-I think it'd be the perfect way to be a champion of the people! Showing they care for the small-"

"Silence!" she exclaimed, making the young soldier clam up, "If you're so concerned, you can go yourself during the next Wave!"

"Yes..." the young man sighed in defeat, some of his fellow soldiers ground their teeth at that.

"Any other options worthy of our Heroes and myself?" Naruto had never thought of purposely harming a female in any way, shape or form. However, the redhead was giving the darker side in him reasons to shift into an edgier version of himself, "Speak up now. Otherwise, return to keeping guard as you should."

"There's news of a village starving from a lack of resources." A scar-faced soldier told her, giving the young – possibly a novice – knight an apologetic but serious and subtle nod, "One of the Heroes should go there, bring any possible solution we have. Not just supplies, but a way to end that hunger permanently."

"Hm, famished villagers being saved would make good news." The princess smirked, "Fine, go and look for any information be it legend or myth regarding large supplies of food. Motoyasu-sama and I shall go there to bring an appropriate solution. Fufufu..." she smirked at her reflection on a window, "It shall be the perfect way to earn a proper name as Hero and Princess. Find us proper demons to fight until then!"

"What about the castle's storage?" a knight offered.

"That is for the celebration of the Heroes' inevitable victory over the next Wave." The armored woman countered hotly.

"I see..." the more intelligent soldiers wanted to counter her logic but couldn't.

"What else could require the Heroes' attention?" she demanded impatiently.

Naruto bared his teeth under his scarf, '_If this is what you get letting people rule because of heritage, I'm so glad we got our rulers through seeing who the best was back in the Leaf._'

"Apparently, a bandit group has been targeting merchants." the mustached knight told her, "If I may be so bold, I would suggest the Sword Hero. It is fitting for someone as collected as him to face against this scum. Besides, he is the most reliant on offense of them all and has the best suited warriors for such a task at his side."

"Fine, let Ren go." Malty grinned wickedly, "All to put cast the Useless of the Shield further into the shadows."

Naruto's knuckles cracked slightly in his attempts to even his breathing, '_I am getting sick..._'

"Last but not least, a lord has spotted a large demon storming the catacombs and its tunnel system in his city." Another man said.

"Oh...?" Malty gained a disgusted expression, then waved dismissively, "Let the Bow Hero go after it, but this noble better remember he is supposed to honor the Hero and make his name known." She then gained an amused smile, "It shall be a fine way to introduce at least one of the three proper heroes to the wonders of the monarchy of Melromarc and encourage them to be close to us."

"Yes, Your Highness." All said as one before disbanding.

Clenching his jaw so hard until his teeth creaked muffled by his scarf, Naruto thought furiously on his next move, '_Even if I had a crystal ball, her dad would make any excuse or lie to save their hides. I can't just go and expose her for what a bitch she is. However..._' he held up his wristband to contact Naofumi.

Inside an inn, a properly equipped Naofumi and Raphtalia rested while he inspected some items he gathered, "Perhaps I could sell this, but the stuff I could make..." he paused as he got a message from Naruto, and he made sure to convey everything he saw through his mind into the portable crystal ball, "That..." he bit his tongue, not wanting to curse near Raphtalia.

Naofumi thought on his possible actions, what Malty had planned, and then, "Really?" Naruto questioned, but the Hero insisted, "Sheesh... Even if you don't talk, you're stubborn."

And thus, he flipped out of the shadows he had snuck in and got ready to find his target, "You!" shouted a familiar voice. "Damn thief!"

Cursing as none other than Motoyasu came to him, Naruto tried to think fast, "What's the matter? Still angry a nobody robbed you, Hero?"

"No wonder the chainmail Mein got me was gone." The lancer twirled his weapon and slammed the blade on the ground for flair, aiming the sharp tip at the boy. "I'll make you regret targeting me, you dirty midget thief!" his words swiftly angered Naruto, who pulled out his kunais and got into a fighting stance.

"I'm still growing, Spear Dunce!" he snapped childishly and raced at the Hero. However, just as Motoyasu thrust his weapon forward to skewer the child, said orange cloaked robber revealed a small bag in his hand, "And I'm far smarter than you!" he taunted and threw the ash bag right on the Hero's face, blinding him.

"Grr, damn coward..." Motoyasu growled and tried to find the thief, only to get a boot to the face!

"See ya, sucker!" the foxy thief cheered while using his opponent as a springboard. Jumping to a chandelier, he used the large piece of decoration to swing forward, flip in the air, and land behind him with a smile a devil would blush at seeing. All he had to do was run off and act as if nothing was wrong.

If only things could be so simple, "It's him, the Thieving Fox has been found by Motoyasu-sama!" cried the red-haired princess while a platoon of knights approached the thief.

"Tch, I should've made more ash bags," Naruto cursed himself and got his kunais ready. '_I can't rely on Naofumi since he'd only be in worse trouble associated with me._'

"Get him!" shouted the mustached knight the foxy boy disliked, charging at him with the other knights swarming around the boy.

Knowing he wouldn't be able to take them all on without problems, the boy resorted to his ultimate weapon, "Oiroke no Jutsu!" his cry engulfed his body in a cloud of smoke, confusing all knights, the Hero and the princess. Everyone paid attention to their surroundings to find where he could have leapt off to for a desperate escape, but the kid had other plans, "Oh my, it's so cold!"

Bright red blushes consumed the men's faces as the princess gained an equal amount of red, but from anger and envy, "A hussy is the Thieving Fox!?" she exclaimed in rage while the soldiers and Motoyasu found a lot of trouble in the simple act of walking straight. Some of the less-prepared had fainted with blood dripping down their noses.

"D-Damn, I never thought the game had a femme fatale..." Motoyasu gasped with a hand trying to stop the river of crimson flowing down his nostrils, '_Please let her be a love interest!_'

Naruto smirked as his female persona, Naruko, "Sorry, I'm too out of your league, boys!" with another cloud of smoke, he returned to his cloaked self and ran through one of the openings. He made sure to go for a certain double-chinned, mustached man who had fainted and use his face as a step, "So long, losers!" he cackled amusedly.

"You won't get away with this!" the redhead snarled and drew her sword, which Naruto ducked under. "Stand still, you midget!"

"Like I'd take a knee for you!" Naruto said as he actually forced himself to not place his knees or put his body in any way to be interpreted as a submissive pose. Malty spun around, bringing her sword up for a swift downwards swing to split his head open. However, Naruto was no slouch, "Too slow!" he cheered as he flipped sideways in the air to slam his heel on her blade, slam it against the ground, and snap it in two!

"Wha-" Malty gasped while Naruto made a move forward, an arm at his side in a punching position. Fearful, she closed her eyes...but nothing happened.

"Malty-sama!" one of the knights exclaimed and she opened her eyes to find a card shaped like a fox head, "It...it really was him, the Thieving Fox."

She gripped the calling card, which she read out loud, "Greetings, dear useless nobles and arrogant rulers of Melromarc. I know what crimes you hide by pretending to be righteous. For that reason, you shall be at my mercy. Sooner or later, I will steal something bigger than your wealth and your most precious belongings stolen from the subjects you got just by luckily being born as a noble. Everything you pride yourself in will be mine to take, for I have been reborn. Yours truly, the Thieving Fox."

"Find him!" a knight called out, the one with Naruto's boot imprinted on his face.

Malty shook in pure fury, glaring at the card while Motoyasu asked, "This Thieving Fox isn't from here, right? Any idea on how to find him?"

As the hero wiped his nose, a scarred soldier shook his head, "He's as much a mystery to us as he is to you. It is the first time we see him... And, sadly, I think he even told us in one of his cards he'd wear something flashy to see if we could find him easier, as a handicap to himself." He was obviously ashamed of admitting such a thing while a figure remained on a watchtower.

Naruto snickered, watching everything from afar through a telescope stolen from one of the guards and a bagel taken from the royal kitchen, "Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one..." he smiled wider when Malty tore the calling card to shreds and threw the pieces on the ground before childishly stomping them, "I am now your worst nightmare."

X-X-X-X-X

Out on the streets and up on the rooftops, Naruto looked for the target Naofumi gave him, "If I were a pretty boy with boot-licking servants, where'd I go?" he asked as the sun rose. A rumble from the demon he called a stomach got him to groan, "Preferably to a place with good grub."

Just as he was thinking of stealing some breakfast from a nearby shop sponsored by a noble, his attention was caught, "Hero..." he heard and looked down.

He noticed the Hero of the Bow, Itsuki walking off, and got curious. "What is that loser doing?" Naruto asked himself, following from afar while carefully staring at the youth as he walked. He was heading towards the outskirts of town, no doubt to those catacombs to aid the noble, which brought a frown to his face. "He's confident enough to not prepare himself." He said as he ran off, darting through an alleyway.

Therefore, following the archer was how he spent his morning, slipping into the same inn he did, "Is everyone here?" Itsuki asked his party while Naruto discreetly passed by the other costumers, taking two plates from a tray at the counter without the cook or the waiter noticing. Naruto easily slipped in and dug into his free meal.

"Yes, Itsuki-sama." A young woman said, unrolling a map on the table, "I've secured a route to make this trip a fast one. We'd only have to stay at least a day there."

"Alright, this demon can't be compared to what we'll see in the next Wave, but it should be easy." Itsuki told them with a calm smile, "Perhaps it's best I leave the items he has for you. It will fit you better than Ren since he can't use swords other than his, although it'll depend on who wants to use it." Naruto arched an eyebrow at the possibilities of such an item.

"As expected of a proper Hero, you're very acknowledgeable of our world." An armored man said.

"It's nothing where I'm from, really." Itsuki's words had Naruto wanting to gag from the fake humbleness, but he was too hungry to stop eating.

"So, what items can we expect from this demon?" asked the woman.

"Not much in terms of armor, but the sword and perhaps a few upgrades and skills." Itsuki answered, "If I recall correctly, this mid-boss is in the center of the catacombs on the old nobleman's ancestor's grave." He smiled at the wonder his party members showed while Naruto stabbed his free breakfast with a glare, which Itsuki noticed, "Is something the matter?"

Getting cocky, Naruto decided to ruin his day, "Just angry, is all." He stood up, glad to keep his face hidden, "You think you'll get that treasure before I do."

"What!?" everyone gasped.

"Hey, you didn't pay for that meal!" the cook finally realized he had been robbed.

"Heh, the pretty boy can pay, put it on his tab." Naruto mocked while Itsuki readied his weapon.

"I never saw you in the game, what's your name and goal?" he demanded.

Naruto would've given him a deadpan look if most of his face wasn't covered, "Oh yeah, I'll tell you along my likes, dislikes and ambitions for the future? How much of an idiot do you take me for, Bow Jackass?" he wanted a better nickname, but that was fine for the time being. Just as Itsuki was ready to fire, the blond thief threw a bag of ash to the floor, creating a screen which allowed him to escape.

And where the map once was rested a calling card which read: _Thanks for the information, jackass._

It even had a drawing of a jackass which angered Itsuki, "Let's go, quickly, we can't let him beat us to the demon!" Unfortunately for Itsuki, Naruto was fast, leaping from building to building allowed him to get to the outskirts in the blink of an eye. He hadn't fooled the best of the Leaf village for nothing, nor had he tagged an entire cliff with a brush and cheap paint cans by lazing all day on the couch.

Once he arrived at the town, he stood tall and looked at the place, "Not bad, on the outside." He said and sat atop a stone wall which guards left almost unsupervised, "The demon entered from there..." he didn't have to guess from the massive portion of the wall which soldiers guarded and civilians rebuilt, "And made his way to..." He followed a trail of burnt/destroyed houses to a large mansion, "...there."

Jumping down, he was approached by an armored soldier with a spear, "Halt, who goes there? Are you a spy?"

Naruto though of a quick lie, "Oh, didn't you hear? The Bow Hero is coming to slay the demon!" he chuckled inwardly, "I'm a scout of his party and he wanted me to secure a route to that beast." He bowed in the politest manner Felicity taught him, '_I'm a genius!_'

"Oh, so you know that monstrous Lizardman is running rampant," the guard told him. "Be careful, he and his tribe are tricky."

"Of course, I won't break a sweat." Naruto smiled brightly.

His cheer was short-lived as the spearman pointed his weapon to his neck, "Nice try, I made up the demon's race since no one knows what it is!"

"Crud, an intelligent guard, who'd have guessed..." Naruto groaned as the man was about to strike. Instead, he hit air as the boy leapt over him and planted both feet on his face, "Sleep tight!" he whisper-exclaimed and quickly grabbed the man, dragging him away from any visible eyes.

Sadly, there were more guards due to the current crisis, "You there!" exclaimed a guard.

"Screw this!" he grabbed another bag of ash and made a second daring escape that day, "Fast and loud it is!" he shouted while the guards rang the alarm and every troop not busy with the reconstruction of the wall went after his unbuttered buns; i.e. he was toast.

As he approached the mansion, a small figure observed the chaos from a window, "What's the commotion?" she asked and noticed a figure in orange darting into a stone mausoleum beside the mansion.

"Please, milady." A fat woman with a purple dress, black hair done in a beehive hairdo, and more jewels on her than needed to feed her people said, "Let my men deal with this and enjoy your stay. We shall talk of the budget for the reconstruction of my wall later."

"As you wish, Lady Agitha..." the petite figure said with a bow, letting her leave before she thought otherwise, "But as Princess, I should still assess this situation." She readied herself and knocked on her door, "I beg your pardon, but I wish I could bathe. It's been a long trip." She told the guards with an innocent smile.

X-X-X-X-X

After losing the guards, Naruto allowed himself a breather, but it wasn't a fun one for the catacombs were connected to a sewer system, "This loot better be worth my weight in gold if I must go through this tunnel." The 14-year-old thanked his scarf for resisting the smell in the middle of a long tunnel. He had a torch in one hand and the map he stole on the other, allowing him to navigate easily in the stone structure.

"Grr..." he heard at the end, towards an old, eroded stone gate. Rushing to it, he a room which was illuminated by more torches.

Without anything to lose, he kicked the gate open and found him, "You're the demon, right?" he asked his opponent, a 9-foot-tall behemoth of muscle, crimson fur, and rounded flab seated on a grave.

The demon threw aside his meal, half a soldier's dead body, growling, "Fresh meat?" he asked and then sniffed, "Fox...the scent of my enemy..."

"At least I smell and look better than you." Naruto taunted and pulled out his kunais, smirking at the demon. A narrow, canid muzzle studded with vicious fangs twisted into an unforgiving sneer adorned with glowing red eyes. Long ears flickered on his head. The prominent large gut of the demon overhung his waist and thighs. A diamond pattern tattoo outlined by another was displayed on the voluminous gut of the crimson demon. His long reptilian tail swayed in anticipation for battle as its muscular arms and legs tensed. Roaring with malice, he reached behind his waist to a nodachi as long as he was tall tied at the back of a loincloth.

The demon crouched into a readied position, his ponderous middle swaying heavily, before he leapt into the air and rocketed to the ceiling, "Do not mock your betters, kit!" With a triumphant roar, he descended straight down to the gaping boy below, intent on flattening him into the floor.

"Oh crap!" Naruto cursed. The thief dove away as the beast rammed his sword into the marble, cleaving through it like butter. A jarring pulse of brute force sent Naruto flipping head over heels, causing him to crash painfully onto his back and skid into a column. He forced himself to his knees, banging them into the etched surface below, while the concussive force wrenched his head forward. The demon stood and drew his sword from its place deep within the stone floor, winching it out while his enemy was dazed.

"Is that all, kit?" the beast taunted.

Starbursts filled Naruto's vision, "Okay, you're fast and strong. I've dealt with worse." he growled deeply as his entire back was racked with thudding aches, twanging painfully. He braced himself in a pseudo push-up position but was slammed to the ground once more by the beast. The corpulent demon held no restraint or remorse as it stomped the boy's back. The blow painfully squeezed the kid's air out of his lungs and rendered his body as an example of agony.

"Mockery won't work, kit." The demon taunted. Inside Naruto's mind, he growled deeply, before taking a kunai, shaking the swimming pools of light from his skull, and launching it at the demon's head. The blade sank in the back of his skull, digging into his helmet. With a grin, the boy realized the only special aspect of the demon's power up was his strength, speed and power. Not skills. Taking no time to pause or consider, the boy powered up to the demon once free from under its foot, the red demon's ample form exposed for his attack.

"At least I'm smart!" He quipped, gripping his remaining kunai in both hands. He deflected a swing from the demon's blade with a sideways parry, sending the sword careening into a wall where it stuck for a moment. Ducking beneath the outstretched arm, the thief rammed his shoulder into his opponent's heavy gut, his body sinking in furred flab, and swung his kunai against the demon's knee.

"Insolent fox!" Naruto's opponent wasn't happy with the result. Stepping back, the thief raised his kunai in time to deflect an overhead swing. Gritting his teeth, Naruto initiated a series of heavy hitting lashes on both the large demon. The attack was effective for a moment, before the canid found his stride once more, and deflected his slashes with ease.

"Is that all you got!?" Naruto shouted and dashed to the side, ducking under a slash before jumping up to stab the beast's face.

But the demon smirked, "I should ask that." A careening punch dealt to the face dropped the thief face-down on the floor. Naruto was stunned by the strike, his ears ringing, with no awareness that he was gripped by his hood and lifted to be on the demon's eye level, "Yes, the scent of my enemy, the fox, and a proper meal." He growled and opened his jaws wide to bite Naruto's head off.

"Zweite Aqua Slash!" Naruto fell flat on his ass, groaning as it felt like it had been cracked, and then gasped as he noticed the red demon's arm falling beside him.

"RRRAAAAARRGGRRRAAAAAAAH!" its roar made his ears ring.

"Aqua Fast Heal!" he heard and soon his energy was recovered tenfold! "Do you need further assistance?" asked...the cutest, prettiest girl he had ever seen. Her innocent blue eyes and silky hair tied in two curly pigtails by two blue ribbons framed an adorable face. She wore a fancy frilly dress that merited a royal status which was also blue with various areas in white.

"I'll kill you, you little bitch!" the demon roared and threw his nodachi at her.

"Not on my watch!" the thief yelled and held her in the bridal carry, getting a positively cute yelp from her and a matching blush. "Whatever you did, do you have something to slow him down?" he asked her before jumping over the monster's swinging arm, which hit a wall. As the debris fell, he kicked one piece to impulse himself higher and then another to get further from the demon, "Hey, tell me!"

His impatience snapped the shocked girl back to reality, "I-I do, yes!"

"Good, use it once he comes for us." He landed opposite the demon with a cocky smirk on his face, "What's the matter? Not used to handling anything which isn't your gut?"

"Insolent little shit!" the demon got down on all threes and launched himself at the boy, who had put down the girl.

"Zweite Aqua Shot!" She materialized a ball of water and fired at the demon's face with the blasting power needed for the echo to rival the sound of a shotgun blast. It slowed it down and violently sent the demon's head back, allowing Naruto to rush at his discarded nodachi.

"Derya!" Naruto exclaimed and cut the demon's head clean off with the massive sword. After the loud thud of the main body crashing and the softer one from the head landing in front of him, Naruto sighed in relief, "Alright, who are you?" he finally asked the girl who blushed slightly as his blunt way to address to her.

"I am Melty-"

"Wait, no, I gotta go before the guards or that Bow Jackass get here." He grumbled and walked to the nodachi's sheath, "So, Melty, right? Do me a favor and forget you saw me and I'll share some of the loot." He'd smile at her but was afraid of what'd happen if she gave anyone details of his identity.

"I...I wish for nothing, to be honest." She replied honestly, a hand on her chest.

"Good, more for me." he said nonchalantly, shocking her again, "Also, no need to talk fancy. You kicked ass for a noble." He smirked under his scarf, "And the fact you're cute to boot but aren't afraid of getting your hands dirty makes you cool in my book." His bluntness got her to blush, which the torches in the chamber didn't allow him to see, "Anyway, I owe you one, so next time we meet, I'll try to be nice."

"Thank you..." she said uneasily, and then stiffened when he stood in front of her, standing taller and giving her a glimpse of his deep blue eyes.

"Heh, I've always wanted to do this..." he felt bold, great, and brimming with energy after what he accomplished, "Thank you." He quickly placed a kiss on her cheek, moving his scarf just in time to do so before he put it back in place, "Yeah, kissing a girl's fun." He cheered and, after getting some distance with her, threw another bag of ash on the floor.

"Wah..." Melty blinked in astonishment, a hand to her heated cheek after the rogue had just escaped like one of those odd romance books female nobles binged if they married for profit instead of love. Naruto was just the ball of fun he was, unaware of what he had just unleashed. Poor Melty buried her face in her hands and became a spluttering, blushing mess.

All in all, Naruto felt like he had gained all he needed... "There he is!" except a proper escape route, "Shoot him!"

"Dammit!" Naruto cursed as he ran away from the rain of arrows.

**X-X-X-X-X**

And that's my rap!

Yes, Naruto will have his own adventures away from Naofumi for the time being to avoid writing a story which is just the canon version with him added as a side-character. Also, let's be honest, he's the kind of kid who'd try to kiss a girl if given the opportunity for the fun. Sadly, he doesn't realize what he's unleashed.

Also, if you don't know, the demon is Illfang the Kobold Lord from SAO. The only monster design I liked of the show. However, I didn't make it past the second episode. I couldn't get attached to the characters.

Swordslinger out!


	4. Green and Wicked

I OWN NOTHING

While some gave me helpful hints, I'll use those ideas to help my goals rather than change them. Better than making a story I'm not happy with for someone else's sake.

**X-X-X-X-X**

"I've been kissed, now I'll carry a child... Wait, is that a rumor? It must be!" Melty fretted to herself in her guest room, holding her reddened cheeks and examining her reflection. She patted her belly childishly. The idea of it expanding worried her to no end. But her romantic side couldn't help it as images flooded her mind of the odd if rude rogue appearing on her window.

Last night, she had such a dream, "Ah, there you are." The mysterious short thief said, his Dream version appearing as a grown, handsome adult. Only his blue eyes could be seen, but his voice had changed to that smoky deep bass ladies loved. Under his cloak, she could see a sculpted physique approach her then fully grown womanly Dream-self with all of her mother's maturity and...enviable assets.

"You again." She said sternly, authoritative and lacking fear to the Dream Thief, "I should have known you'd be up to no good." Half her mind prepared a spell to blast him, but the other couldn't. And in the end, an overwhelming curiosity won her over and steadied her hand as the cloaked man approached her, smoldering her with his gaze.

"I am, and you are what I've been looking for." His baritone voice got her to shiver as he held her hands, "Let us escape, my dear Princess. To a life of adventure and treasure hunting."

Her heart ached as she looked away, "No, I can't, for I am queen and thus my duty declares I stop the corruption of my land."

Dream Naruto would kiss her knuckles, "Is that so? Then allow me to assist as your shadow, and in turn my only reward, the true treasure I'll crave for...is your smile."

"Oh nameless thief, if only you'd stop the cruelty of keeping your face and name hidden from this poor heart of mine." Dream Melty cried pitiable a line she read from one of her mother's secret books. She had been scolded and told to not read anything from her private shelf again, although the princess did question why a woman would use a whip on a man when flipping through pages.

Her mother had not answered, but on the book was a line Dream Naruto said to Dream Melty, "I am to be your servant and take any pain you lash out, my queen." Poor, innocent, pure Melty had no idea what her mother was into since that line was used in the same scene with the whip.

Dream Melty gasped as the thief embraced her, then placed her head on his muscular chest, "Then, I shall allow you to call me by name, my nameless thief."

"Melty-sama!" the girl gasped as her fantasy was broken by Lady Agitha at her door, "Is everything alright?" the return to reality allowed her to realize something warm on her chin.

"Y-yes, excuse me for not replying earlier!" Melty exclaimed, wiping some drool from her mouth. "Let us discuss you and your husband's reparation plans."

Unknown to her, she wasn't alone, and it was only after she left that her companion made himself visible, "Crap..." Naruto grunted as he slipped out from under her bed, "Had I known a kiss would melt a girl's mind like that..." he gained a cheeky grin, "Heh, I'd still do it."

Pulling his crystal ball from his sleeve, he talked to Naofumi, "Huh, what now...?" The Shield Hero groggily asked after being woken up, then did his best to let Raphtalia sleep as he walked to a nearby desk where he had been crafting stuff, "Is anything of value there?" he asked to the boy, using the link to see.

His question had Naruto rummage through the sack he got with him for such adventures, "Let's see, light armor, a book on archery..." he hummed as he examined it, "Hey, can I?"

Naofumi thought on it, the idea of Naruto taking something Itsuki could use amused him, "Sure, go ahead. I could use some range for the Waves."

"I hope it's not too boring." The blond said to himself, "And, the piece of...resistance?" he started proudly only to end up baffled when pulling out the nodachi, or what he thought was it. "I'm sure this thing was a lot bigger than when I first..." and his mind replayed the conversation Itsuki had with his party, "It'll depend on who wants to use it...? Does it mean this weapon changes if someone touches it?"

"It seems to be." Naofumi said as he could see the stats and description, "Naruto...you earned the weapon." He told the boy examining two short, single-edged straight swords with red sheaths, black handles, and square steel handguards half the size of a teacup plate. Both came with a black belt to be kept on the back of his waist.

WEAPON: Magical Blade – this weapon becomes a cutting item best fit for the class of the wielder.

Thief Magical Blade – Dual ninja-ken, short swords made for critical damage.

"Cool! My old kunais were getting a bit dull!" he cheered and holstered the weapons, keeping them hidden under his cloak. "It'll get some getting used to, but it'll make my job easier. What next, Naofumi?" he had an excited smile on his face, really looking forward to ruining another plan orchestrated by that red-haired princess.

"Return to Melromarc and keep your eye on her, see if she's found something to aid that idiot Motoyasu." Naofumi then cut off the call with a tired sigh, "And as you do that, I'll keep up Raphtalia's training." Deep in his heart, a part of his old self felt pity for the kid as she didn't have a good night sleep. However, the world wouldn't have been fair on her either. With that thought, he went to sleep, but not before covering her with the sheets she kicked off to keep her from getting a cold.

"Sure will." The boy cheered as he opened the door and looked around for guards, then smirked when seeing none, "And since I'm here..."

The next day at the orphanage, the fake nun Felicity entered the kitchen to find a large bag full of food and other such supplies along a small letter, "That kid..." She smiled softly and looked inside, surprised to see her favorite wine as well as enough ingredients to make the orphans' favorite meals for two months. "Guess that little devil won't change easily."

Said thief walked on a roof to the castle, observing it with the telescope he stole, "Now, where is Her Royal Bitch?" he asked, looking through the windows from atop a watchtower.

He didn't wait long, "Princess Malty!" his keen ears perked at the sound of a knight bowing before her, "It's urgent news and we need your and the Spear Hero's help!"

"What is it?" she asked annoyedly, "Is it along the lines of what we discussed?"

"Y-yes!" answered a young knight, "There's been sightings of goblins nearby! Apparently, they've made a base not far from here. We've yet to receive news from the Bow Hero and the Sword Hero is still on his trip to stop those bandits, but-"

"Is there any monster worthy of being dealt with?" Malty asked with a growl, "Speak up! I'm not wasting my time in a dark, damp cave with those abominations unless there's a high-class monster to help Motoyasu-sama's reputation!" she had a disgusted look on her face at the idea of where she'd end up going.

"Some adventurers went in but haven't returned, a couple of them being high class." Said a familiar scar-faced knight.

"What of it?" Malty asked, still not pleased with the task asked of her, "Maybe those fools deserved death if they're so foolish as to not predict those stupid monsters' tricks."

"Wait, please." The scarred man pleaded firmly but politely, "I've had experience with those creatures. Chances are they could have a variation, a high-ranked goblin. Not only that, but they've taken cattle from the nearby villages. Without that, they will starve...and end up unable to pay their taxes." He disliked saying the last line, but knew it'd make the princess comply.

"Tsk, fine, if it'll at least give Motoyasu-sama and I something worth doing." She sighed tiredly, then glared, "Anyway, have you made any advances on capturing that harlot midget of a thief?" she spat venom as an image of Naruko entered her mind, jealousy boiling her core. "That stealing hussy needs to pay for daring take Motoyasu-sama's attention from me."

"Wait, what?" Naruto asked from his hiding spot behind some barrels, "These guys think I'm a girl!?"

"Who said that!?" asked a knight and approached the kid's cover. However, once he got close all he saw was a stone wall, "I...I sweat there-"

"Hey you, stop dillydallying and get to work!" Malty snapped, "Tell Motoyasu-sama I need his aid with this quest!"

"As you c-command, Your Highness!" the man saluted and went to do as told as the others disbanded. Meanwhile, the 'wall' he looked at was peeled off, revealing itself to be a cloth Naruto had to hide whenever he wanted pastries from the castle's dungeons. There were good baked goods there made all the sweeter by stealing them from the arrogant guards, after all.

One quick raid of the dungeon guard's secret pastry stash later...

"Alright, goblin slaying..." He muttered to himself in the middle of his roof-hopping around the town. Landing atop an inn, he inspected the place for adventurers, "Never thought I'd get into something like this. I'll have to really keep myself stuck to the shadows." He munched on his sweet bread and casually wondered, "Is there anyone I could use for this?"

A familiar group passed by, "No way, goblins? Motoyasu-sama, will you keep me safe from their filthy claws?"

Cringing in disgust, Naruto watched the Spear Hero followed by the other three girls of his party, "Of course I will. After all, chances are we will find that Thieving Fox. That maiden pretending to be a man needs the hand of a hero willing to relieve her of her criminal ways before it's too late." He said with the air of an overdramatic actor.

The girls frowned, "But even if it's a girl, you shouldn't ally yourself with such a tricky person wanting to use you."

"Pfft, if I were a girl I'd have good taste." Naruto scoffed, and twirled his new weapons in his hands, "Although stealing would be easier."

X-X-X-X-X

Malty gave the seedy looking cave a suspicious glare, looking at it with an utterly disgusted expression on her face, "Ugh! To think that those repulsive little creatures made their nest and hovels in this rotting heap of dung! Gah! It stinks even from here!" With a quartet of guards at her side, plus reinforcements outside, she looked at the cave with a look of wretched hatred.

"This is it, milady." Said one of the soldiers at her side, the mustached double-chinned one who Naruto held a grudge against.

"This place would have to do for Motoyasu?" she asked with a groan. "I'll clear it out first with the disposable unit, and my magic if need be. But I'd rather have the guards get rid of the chaff so Motoyasu-sama can sweep in gallantly and fight with little resistance towards the high-ranking goblin."

"Alright, I shall send them in." the mustached man bowed.

And so, time passed with a pair of eyes observing everything from a safe distance, "Heh, let's see if this is a challenge." The plan, meager as it was, did not survive the first wave of guards she sent in. They were heard screaming within ten minutes of entering the cave, the sounds of battle and violence echoed out from within.

Another harrowing five minutes passed as Malty waited, before one guard ran out with his armor in disarray, his sword missing, and bleeding from one side of the face down to his neck, "P-Princess! W-we can't go in there! All three of my squad mates were k-killed! These Goblins, they're not weak! They're r-run by a-agghh!" whatever he meant to stay was silenced forever when a great arrow ripped through his chest, poking out from behind his back. He toppled down in front of the princess who had stepped away from the splash of blood that shot out.

And suddenly, a mocking and rough female voice startled her as something came out of the cave. "HAH! Weak hum hum scum! You will all die!"

"Sickening monsters..." a soldier growled as he saw the heads of the men from before mounted on large wooden spears tipped with brutal stone axe blades, a metal arrow head used as a spear tip. Each spear was held by three larger than average goblins clad in crude leather armor. Grim yellow goat eyes lacking the usual brute savage instincts of the usual goblin stared them down. They marched with steel-clad discipline, a mockery of the soldiers that she was surrounded with. They had each pilfered the helmets of their slain enemies, and carried the men's shields on their arms.

"GLORY TO PRINCESS GALTY!" They shouted in a rough, brutal parody of human speech. They even banged their spear shafts against their shields in a war-cry. And they had a leader unlike anything they had heard or seen from any previous encounter with their kind.

"Is this...a joke!?" Malty asked for the figure that walked out brought her to new levels of hatred and rage, as it carried a gigantic great bow made of harsh black wood. The crest of the bow had two goat heads on each side, demonic skulls that had glass eyeballs placed in and human hair as a crude grip. Wielded by what could only be described as a Goblin Princess who the other goblins praised.

"MAKE WAY FOR PRINCESS GALTY!" their leader possessed dark green skin, a black helmet that hid everything save for its owner's yellow glowing eyes and mouth full of vicious fangs. Her helmet had an opening for a head of long greasy ratty muddy purple hair adorned with multiple bones and a lizard skull attached to a grimy silk ribbon. The figure also wore a metal bikini, and leather trousers with a messy noblewoman's skirt worn over it, had a slim body, toned green arms, and a figure that could be called voluptuous if it wasn't on the body of a human-sized Goblin.

"P-princess?! You disgusting filth can talk!? And have royalty!? What absurd nonsense!" Malty spat, shaking her head in bitchy amusement, "You're a race of childish vulgar scum! You don't have anything that you haven't stolen from humanity!"

The Goblin Princess cackled, "WRONG YOU ARE! Princess Galty before you! Princess of Gobbo Kingdom! Queen Gallomarc has declared that all Goblins unite! Little Sister Gally will grow up knowing that her big sister Galty will make a home for her!" Malty's eyes shrunk. As she was sadly smart enough to realize that the names of each Goblin Royalty were mockeries of her own family.

"Y-you…! You dare mock my family!?" Malty was speechless with rage and hatred.

The Goblin Princess Galty merely laughed at her, "WE NAME OURSELVES ROYALTY THOUGH STRENGTH! Princess Galty killed her way to top! Mother took man husband! We half Gobbo, half human! I strongest of tribe!" aiming her arrows, she fired, forcing Malty to retaliate with a blast of magic to deflect them, "Get them and break them! Anyone who gets that redhead can have their fun with her!"

Such disgusting declaration made Malty shiver and turn, "Retreat, r-retreat!" she cried with a grimace as she and the soldiers ran off.

And off to the side, a pair of blue eyes watched everything, "Okay, so..." Naruto started as he turned to the caves, "How the Hell does that happen? A human with one of those things? Ugh, creepy...although kinda sexy in a weird way." Images of large-breasted short-stacks started to slip into his head...until he shook it, "No, damn it, I like my girls cute, with unique hair, and petite!"

Of course, talking out loud was an awful idea near an enemy base, "Hum-hum me find!" shouted one of the hobgoblins as he picked Naruto by his cloak!

With a brief yelp of "Gah!" Naruto clutched his collar to try to pry himself free. His hair and eyes were revealed while the enormous goblin variation held his hooded cape, "Hey, give that back!" Naruto snarled with no concern for stealth. "I stole that cloak fair and square!"

His demand was answered fast via a large stone axe swinging to chop off his head, "Die, meat!" the monster roared with a hungry sneer. Ducking under the swing and with his new short swords ready, Naruto gripped them in his icepick grip and sliced the monster's exposed joints. One swift slash to the knee, the following went right at the back of the knee, and the next strike was a powerful stab to the other kneecap! A deafening scream of pain echoed in the air as the hobgoblin landed on his broken knees, increasing the volume of his yelling.

Brutal but effective, that was how he was taught to fight at the academy and he was damn good at combat for better or worse, so he started to move his arms in a flurry of slicing cuts. Cutting the wind, he split and carved deep into the humanoid's armor and green flesh. First, he opened his stomach with five swift slashes, went up to his ribs with the fifth, and gave his torso a total of twelve large gashes. With lightning speed, mastered precision, and no desire to fall, his final swing slit the monster's throat. The corpse fell backwards with a gurgling sound.

Swiping the blood off his blades with a flick of his wrists, Naruto sheathed the ninjatos and took a deep breath, "I told you to give me back my cloak." He took the orange piece of cloth off the hobgoblin's cold, dead fingers and put it back on, "Only I can look this good in orange."

"Brother!" another goblin asked, this time a runt with a leather and fur set of armor and a wooden club, "You...you kill brother! Prepare to die, hum-hum!"

Kicking his own ass mentally, Naruto cursed his luck, "Alright, I suck at stealth when not dealing with the castle's guards!" he said as he decided to go in loud and proud, "Come on!" using his downright supernatural strength, he stabbed the club to stop its swing rather than parry or deflect it before stabbing the goblin on the throat.

"Capture meat, hum-hum dinner tonight!" a large hobgoblin crowed as he and his brethren stormed out.

Readying himself as blood sprayed on his body after yanking out the blade, Naruto let out a determined roar, "You'll have to earn your meal!"

A cloud of ash soon blocked the green humanoids' view! "Gah, where hum-hum meat g-Glgh!" one asked, right before its throat was split open.

X-X-X-X-X

Naruto didn't know how many he had taken out, but he had finally gotten into the cave after taking out the goblins on his path to the princess. With a tired pant, he leaned on a rocky wall and analyzed the place. It was an abandoned mine. Old wooden beams supported the place, a railway guided him further in, and torches lighted the place. However, the flames also hid things in the shadows cast by their light.

Such as the goblin that jumped at him from behind, "What the-" he grunted and then clenched his teeth when seeing the glint of a blade reflect out of the corner of his eye.

"I slice nice hum-hum ham!" the goblin cheered as Naruto gripped his wrist to stop a sharp knife from going into his cheek.

Struggling with it, he decided to take the smartest route when hearing more steps come from behind him on the shadows, "Hum-hum meal here, come feast!" a horde of the little bastards cheered as they all raced for their own piece of Naruto sushi.

"Eat this!" he shouted as he turned his back to them and kicked a wall, ramming the goblin on his back against all the others.

Once he got up, the pile revealed itself as five hungry goblins, "Hum-hum pay with blood!" Naruto wanted to quip but had to dodge as they threw knives at him!

"Shit!" he cursed and rolled out of the way, ending on his knees to then quickly swing one of his swords to deflect one of the thrown weapons.

Sadly, he was still in the shadows in the middle of a fork, where a hobgoblin saw his chance, "Nom-nom be mine now!" he roared while singlehandedly holding a human leg like it was a large meat on the bone. The baleful glare he sent Naruto as he used his free hand to grip the kid by his throat and slam him against a wall said everything. "First bite!"

A tighter grip on his neck made him drop his weapons, which clanged on the floor, "Dammit..." he wheezed out weakly. Large, filthy teeth flashed with the light of the fire as they approached Naruto, who saw the bone sticking out of the leg, "Chew...on this!" mad or genius, it was impossible to tell what his idea was other than gripping the bone, snapping it in two, and use the sharp end to impale the hobgoblin's eye!

Bloodcurdling screaming was quite literal as blood sprayed out of the monster's eye. "GRAAAAHHH!" Naruto's rump hit the floor as he sucked in air. More goblins rushed at him and he was still getting up, his back against a wall with a shelf at his side. Desperate, he turned to look at it. A simple and crude design, but it was lined in somewhat organized rows of knives and daggers stolen from dead adventurers!

Grabbing a handful, he turned to the incoming horde and started to throw them. He nailed one on the thigh, stopping it, then took it down with another to the gut, and killed it with a third blade lodged right between the eyes. However, there were too many, and he hadn't killed the hobgoblin which eye he took. Said large breed of goblin ripped the bone angrily from its empty eye socket with a roar of pure animal rage!

"Where's a magical girl when I need one?" Naruto asked with a groan and jumped over the goblins, making the knives rain on them.

Due to his size, the hobgoblin used its arm as a shield to take the steel without flinching, it was too furious to feel pain, "I eat hum-hum!" he let out in feral anger and chased the boy.

"You can't catch what you can't see!" he taunted it, making it go berserk and lose focus.

"Die, hum-hum meat!" the monster stomped on the other goblins, killing his own comrades in his rage to kill the boy. Quickly, Naruto repeated his previous strategy to take down hobgoblins, he went for the knees, slashing them...and was immediately picked up by the throat and subsequently slammed against a wall!

"W-what the..." he gasped and was slammed once again against solid rock.

"I feast!" the monster exclaimed with its maw open wide... "Grr!? GRRRAAAAHHH!" Naruto wasn't out, he still had a knife which he jammed deep into its mouth, ramming his hand into his enormous opponent's throat and making the blade stick out the back of his skull!

"Let me go, asshole!" he breathed out with fire in his eyes and was swiftly released by the dead hobgoblin.

"Hum-hum too strong..." a goblin cried, shaking in its boots.

"P-Princess Galty!" another sobbed and ran off, followed by his kin soon after.

Breathing heavily, Naruto reached into one of his stolen leather vest's pouches, "Good thing...I stole from that Spear Dumbass...on the way here..." he pulled out a vial and wrinkled his nose upon uncorking it. Such a bitter smell wouldn't be pleasant to have lingering in his mouth, but he had to, "Bottoms up..." he swallowed a potion, quickly recovering his energies and healing his wounds. "Man...for something so damn costly this crap should taste like that cutie Melty's first kiss." Rolling around his shoulders in the goblin-free fork of the abandoned mine, the blond sighed in relief, "Enough whining, I gotta deal with that goblin prin-"

He cut himself off when an arrow flew right at his throat. His instincts kicked in and he grabbed it, but too late, "Oh, cute human." Said Galty as she appeared, followed by most of her forces, "Strong, too. Not enough, though..." she licked her lips as Naruto crashed with his back against the stone wall, clutching his right shoulder where he had managed to deflect her arrow. Despite his strength, he couldn't stop the projectile.

"Grr...I should have bought another potion..." he quipped and stared at Galty's weapon, "The Hell is that thing?"

"Best goblin bow." She retorted with a toothy grin, "Silent, fast, precise, and powerful enough to pierce steel." She aimed three arrows at him. "Too bad human such cutie. You perfect mate for little sister Gally or even her and Princess Galty." She had a proud smile saying so. Ifs he weren't talking of slavery, it'd be like a girl talking of the perfect wedding she wants.

"Sorry..." Naruto grunted as he yanked the arrow out with a bloody squelching noise, "I prefer to do the teasing, not get teased."

"Hmhmhm, Gally will want you much! Human strong! You killed strong Gobbos. Galty can respect you for that! Sure you don't want to be married to little sister Gally? She cute as button!" Galty offered with a hand outstretched after taking away her three arrows and putting them back into her quiver, he really could take the easy route and say yes. But he hadn't gotten as far as he had by being like that.

"Sorry, I owe the Hero of the Shield, no way can I turn my back to him!" Galty's toothy grin became more of a frown.

She pulled out a strange curved goat-horn attached to her waist and blew on it. "Then Princess Galty is afraid that you will have to be brought in by force! Princess Galty won't take your limbs, need them for hugging and kissing after all!" Her voice came out in a magnified tone, her other hand pulling out a slender dart with a single needle like point, foul blue poisonous liquid coating it. "But Princess Galty use nasty arrows. Covered in poison from great cave-spider, very dangerous! Will knock you out for hours! But more importantly! Hear her voice and obey Galty's orders, Gobbo Empire!"

"Wait, poison!?" he exclaimed as his blood began to boil, his body started to sweat, and his breathing got ragged.

Her next words echoed out through the tunnel system, Naruto's head ringing in pain, "Hear her command! Blond human property of Gobbo Royalty! Princess Gally will have him as mate! Any attempt to eat human will be rewarded by Princess Galty removing genitals and force-feeding them to owner! Any attempt to kill human will be rewarded by Princess Galty devouring them instead! Obey the Princess!"

He ran, barely ducking as a slender arrow darted above his other shoulder. Naruto was worried as he could feel the venom spread, but above all he remained focused. He had to escape and rethink his strategy. The burning sensation was unpleasant. Everything got foggy in his eyes, his steps felt heavier than usual as if his boots were made of lead. Even worse, the laughter of the goblin girl started to feel like a siren's song.

Fighting on his own had been a mistake. The goblin princess was organized, strong and exceedingly smart. The goblins weren't just scavenging anymore; but outright growing more intelligent and making their own gear and weaponry. The ramifications of this were horrifying. They might even develop Goblin Heroes and Champions. The strongest possible form of their race run by powerful human and goblin royalty.

Each step brought him to newer, darker, more stranger places in the tunnels. There were places that not even the Goblin's had dug into. He saw an abyss stretch out into infinity in front of him and swallowed. There was only one way back, and he heard the sound of yelling and screaming in the dark corners of the land. He had one way down, pulling out a torch and lighting it quickly, he let it drop into the darkness.

"S-shit…" he cursed, praying it'd hit something down there. As it fell, he traced its pathway and gasped in relief when he saw it fizzle and a spray of black water shoot up. With nowhere to go but down and figuring that the water current would lead him somewhere. As he pondered what could go wrong with such an obviously reckless plan, Princess Galty emerged from the tunnel behind him. Her eyes caught sight of him taking his time thinking of how desperate he was and she whistled without warning.

"Come here, future brother!" she exclaimed with a toothy grin.

Reluctantly, he turned to face her and thought his actions, "Listen, I already got a cute girl I would like to mess with again..."

"Princess Galty not care." She retorted and aimed another arrow at him.

"Let's see if someone can get me now." Without further thought, he took a leap of faith. A shriek could be heard in the air, and he swiveled around as he fell, seeing a great cave-bat with a harness fly towards him, claws outstretched! "Oh, screw you!" he threw a dagger up, making the creature fly away with a screech, tucking himself into a ball he hit the water! As he expected, the current it had dragged him under.

He didn't know how long he was in that dark river-way, only able to come for air sparingly as it churned and swirled, taking him through places unseen and to a world he never thought existed. Giant mushroom forests, strange river-beds with even weirder creatures languishing on the hard-rock shores. Up above a current he could spy an entire goblin shanty-town above him, one eye catching sight of Princess Galty herself, the goblin was relentless as she traced the current's path!

"This is so f-gnngngbhblub!" whatever he was about to curse out was silenced when the waters dragged him under, taking him all the way outside the tunnels themselves and sending him flying into a water fall. He collapsed on the grassy shores, gasping as he slowly crawled his way forward…onto Princess Galty's troops waiting for him.

A large hobgoblin picked up a horn and blew on it as another of his kin called out, "Princess Gally's hum-hum mate here!"

Naruto cursed his luck, he wouldn't die, but he may as well... Unless...

**X-X-X-X-X**

And that's my rap!

Can you guess I watched John Wick 3 recently? If so, I'll go at this like Keanu Reeves did the character of John Wick: a capable and unyielding badass having all odds stacked against him. Naruto is strong and far more competent than many adventurers. However, I am putting threats on every corner to keep him on his toes and make sure he earns his victory through sheer willpower.

Now it's time for Naofumi to catch up and show he can keep his end of the deal, next chapter. Naofumi and Raphtalia will get their chance to shine and gain extra experience points. Consider that this rescue mission will happen after they deal with the two-headed dog, so they got some skills already.

Sorry if I don't keep some consistency with where in the timeline Naruto and Naofumi are respectibely. My main writing process is that I have fun, go nuts, look at what I do long and hard, and do my best to polish it. That's all I can do and why I can never claim to be a good writer, I never plan things as well as I'd like to.

On a lighter note and to calm all of you who think I will put the goblin girls as an additional pairing, no, I won't make a harem and the goblin princesses aren't in it. I may use them as rivals for Melty in future chapters, though, for the fun of it mostly. Imagine Melty trying to protect her Nameless Thief.

Swordslinger out!


	5. Wedding crashed

I OWN NOTHING

While some have given me helpful hints, I'll use those ideas to help my goals rather than change them. Better than making a story I'm not happy with for someone else's sake.

**X-X-X-X-X**

"Of all the..." Naofumi took a deep breath while assessing the situation. Looking at the cave before him, analyzing the goblin guard's pacing and waiting for the sun to set put him already on edge. Raphtalia wasn't as skilled as he'd have preferred for such a task. The tiny raccoon girl was dressed in better clothing and carried a short sword with ease. If not for Naruto's sneakily-gotten cash, she wouldn't be as healthy since day one. Thus, despite the fact he resented the thief for not helping him in his time of need, he did owe him for that.

"Naruto is there, right?" the girl asked nervously, quickly hiding her head under the bush they used when a hobgoblin turned its ugly head their way.

"For someone boasting about how good he is, to get caught by those things in a cave must mean they're quite good at capturing intruders...or he got unlucky." Naofumi leaned more to the second option. "That kid's track record at the castle said he isn't prone to rookie mistakes." He took a deep breath and looked at his wrist-mounted crystal ball. "At least he gave me a location, but he's been too silent now."

"Do you think...?" Raphtalia gulped.

"Only one way to find out." Naofumi sighed with a heavy heart. "But we're outnumbered and outmatched with so many of those monsters. And those hobgoblins are high level." He looked closer and saw one odd if interesting goblin, "That one's carrying a pickaxe... Is this...a mine?" He looked around and motioned for Raphtalia to follow him, which she did quickly.

As they moved to find the thief, said pickpocketing blond dangled upside down in a makeshift cell with crude, rusty steel bars welded into a door and goblins aiming spears at him, "Can I get some clothes?" he asked in black boxers and several ropes tied around his body like a cocoon. "Or at the very least placed in a less humiliating way? I'm not a pig for you to eat, assholes." He wanted to rile them up, knowing their princess would kill them if she knew they harmed him.

"Grr, hum-hum talk too much!" one of the lancers snarled and put his spear inches from the kid's neck.

Another snickered mockingly while checking Naruto's outfit, "Hum-hum at least has nice boots." He put them on while the others inspected Naruto's orange cloak and the leather vest which he had stolen from the Bow Hero, opening the many pouches to retrieve kunais, silver and copper coins, and trinkets.

"Ugh, ash? No sugar or flour...!" a third snarled after dipping a finger into one of his small bags.

"Attention!" their princess shouted with a snarl. "Leave little sister's hubby hum-hum alone! Do NOT touch his outfit!" she smacked the one who had tried on Naruto's boots so hard that blood spilled out of his jaw, she had slapped the goblin with such brute force she broke his flesh like a whip. "Hum-hum to be wed to Little Sister Gally must look good!"

"Oh, he cute hum-hum!" chirped a new goblin girl, one far shorter than Galty, most likely her sister Gally.

Processing the sight before him, Naruto had to ask, "Are you actually ripping off Melromarc royalty looks or something?" Melty was the image that popped in his mind, but with key differences. For one, the girl he was going to be forced to marry had her oily orange hair done in a bun held in place with bones and rat skulls as decorations. A dark red dress from a noble girl was turn with one sleeve missing and the other hung loosely over her shoulder, most likely from battle for she carried herself with experience. White, dirt-stained ribbons decorated the front.

Gally giggled, "He fun, knows weird words." Both sisters had the long knife-shaped ears, feral fangs, glowing yellow goat eyes, and human features such as a lack of the half-foot long nose. While possessing more human proportions than goblins, she was as short as the regular kind which – given her sister being human-sized – meant she was his age or younger. Whereas Galty had a figure that rivaled Malty the bitch princess', Gally's petite and underdeveloped form like Melty's showed how she'd improve with age.

"You think I'm actually going to marry you!?" he asked with a glare.

"Oh, hum-hum hubby will! Sister Galty use cave spider venom!" Gally giggled and approached him with a smile too cute for such sharp rows of teeth.

"But hum-hum strong, poison slower than with other hum-hums." Galty commented with a hand on her chin. "Poison work in seconds, make hum-hums willing hubbies for goblin princess and goblin queen. Little if strong hubby of Gally be keeper if he can resist effects so well."

"Wait, is that what that crap was meant to do!?" Naruto exclaimed in horror. "So me feeling lightheaded was you trying to...ugh, I feel sick..."

"Maybe use more, sister!" Gally giggled. "Gally want to be woman soon with cute hum-hum! And he strong, right!?"

"Hey, what do you... Oi, I want my first time to be special in a good way!" he started wiggling and panicking in his attempt to break free.

"If venom don't go to his head directly with hum-hum hanging like this, we use more." Galty told her sister with a pat on her head, making her giggle. "Gally make hum-hum drink it at wedding."

"Yes, soon Gally full woman!" the tinier of the goblin princesses cheered, hugging her sibling. "Thank you, Galty. Want to join Gally in being mother of future Gobbo warriors?"

Galty threw her head back to bark in laughter, "Yeah! Hum-hum strong and cute, he give Galty and Gally great Gobbo spawn!"

"Ugh, and I thought the matriarchy we had in Melromarc sucked..." Naruto groaned and kept wiggling to see if he could loosen up the ropes. '_Naofumi, get me the Hell out of here! If a girl's going to tie me up to get naughty with me, I want to tease her first!_' he looked at his own portable crystal ball on a table not far off while the goblins put away his stuff in a neat, orderly fashion after their princesses' orders. Said duo made plans for how they would enjoy the honeymoon with him. While most men would've liked to live and die in such a way, Naruto liked to be in control.

During his conversation, Naofumi and Raphtalia found another entrance off to the side with no guards, "Knew it." The Shield Hero said under his breath. He and Raphtalia had climbed over the mine, the mountain it was in had foliage to hide from goblin eyes. And, as he had suspected, there was a hole which gave him a view inside an abandoned tunnel.

"How'd you find this?" the raccoon girl asked him with her hands clenching her sword.

"Since this is a mine, there needs to be airducts for people to breathe, a single hole would be suffocating." Naofumi explained while morphing his shield into a rope version of it, "We're just lucky the goblins aren't aware of this, meaning they've probably got here somewhat recently." He extended an arm, telling the girl to hold on to him. An adorable pink shade decorated the small raccoon's cheeks when she hugged his tall, fit form before descending.

Once separated, albeit unwilling, Raphtalia sniffed the air before pinching her nose, "Yuck, that stench... Is it the goblins?" hearing that, Naofumi was quick to get in front of her and light a torch. Illuminating rocky, dark walls, he was face to face with a decomposing soldier's body from Malty's troops. "K-kh!" Raphtalia nearly shrieked, using both hands to clasp her mouth and stifle a whimpering cry.

"Ugh, this is their storage..." Naofumi grunted with a nose wrinkled in disgust at the smell. More soldiers were dropped like cheap pieces of meat along cattle, blood and gore decorated the place and he noted that none of the humans had their weapons or armor. They remained clothed in the bare essentials, but everything that could be of value was stripped off them.

"They stole their weapons and armor, didn't they?" Raphtalia asked for the sake of conversation, needing to hear her master's voice to calm down.

"Yeah, just stick close to me." Naofumi moved the torch towards a crudely made wooden door made of old, worn and half-broken planks messily nailed together. Sudden rattling alerted him of an incoming visit, an obvious danger to their stealth mission, "Raphtalia, get ready!" he exclaimed in a whisper and morphed his shield into its standard form while the girl nodded determinedly and held her short sword in both hands.

"Feast for princess wedding, now!" a goblin with a bloodied chef hat and a meat cleaver barked to another as they entered the storage.

"Yah!" and were immediately stabbed through the throat simultaneously by Raphtalia jumping at them, ramming her sword at the right angle to get both at once. Naofumi was quick to close the door and pull both green corpses inside to avoid suspicion. Looking through the cracks of the wooden door, he let out a relieved sigh when seeing no more green butchers around.

"Good, now, to find Naruto..." he told the girl yanking her sword from the dead cooks.

"Naofumi-sama, I have an idea!" she told him with a hushed voice, when he turned his head to her, she leaned in to whisper into his ear. Eyes widening then narrowing as a grin stole his face, he reached into his clothes and pulled out a handful of small globules. Each one contained a purple fluid which when he shifted his Shield to Leaf further enhanced the quality of the small spheres boosted beyond their original specs.

"It'll be risky, so take care." Naofumi got a determined nod from his slave.

"I'll help with placing some of them around Naofumi-sama!" she told him, running off as he did the same. Together they seeded the tunnels around them, focusing on getting most of the globules placed around as many sensitive areas as possible. It was a simple plan, but it wasn't the main focus, Raphtalia had volunteered for the main part of the plan.

Live. Bait.

"Huh?" a goblin asked when she walked in front of a bunch of the green-skinned monsters, turned around and waved her tail at them.

"Oh noooo! A bunch of evil vulgar goblins are here to attack me! Heeeelpppp!" She cried out seemingly terrified.

The goblins, a bunch of hardened soldiers with scarred features, got up and grabbed their weapons, "KILL THE INTRUDER! KILL! KILL! KILL! FOR PRINCESS GALTY AND GALLY!"

"That's my sign to run!" she said daftly to herself, dashing through the tunnels, her sword held close to her body. In the tunnels, there wasn't much space to fight or swing a long weapon, something she had quickly put together the longer she was down there. So, she steeled herself as she heard them approach.

"Kill meat!" one lunged at her.

Pulling out a short dagger allowed her the ability to defend herself properly, "You won't!" she shouted before ducking under an axe to stab it between the eyes and then continue her retreat. As she ran, she discreetly marked down certain tunnels with her knife, scratching a mark somewhere the Goblins wouldn't notice. And just for extra precaution, she marked the floor as well, deliberately marking spots to hide her path.

What she was doing was specifically designed to make certain she would find her way and that the goblins chasing her wouldn't realize she was making her way through their tunnels towards a predetermined point. The plan she had told Naofumi was simple. It was risky, since these Goblins had proven to be of exceptionally high skill, intelligence, and combative ability if they had captured Naruto.

But for her and Naofumi's comrade, and for her master, Raphtalia would play her part down to the hilt without a hint of shame or hesitation. Naruto had tried to fix the mistake he committed by leaving Naofumi to his luck, and a thief with his abilities was a rarity to be had. Especially one with thoughts and opinions that meshed well with Naofumi's own.

She spun to a halt, staring up at a great cavern that housed many of the tunnels that spread throughout the underground. The goblins that had been chasing her poured out of every tunnel around her, a black army full of vicious cannibalistic savages with an axe to grind on the bones of the surface dwellers.

Smiling despite herself, she faced them without a care, her sword at her side and pointed towards them, "GET THE INTRUDER! KILL HER! RIP HER APART! DEFILE HER BONES!" The chant of the savage horde brought only grim determination into her heart. She was going to defeat them without a hint of mercy.

"Come then! I fear no army, no force, no horde! I am Raphtalia, I serve the Shield Hero with all of my soul!" She smashed the flat of her blade against her dagger just as the horde charged her down! That was the signal as, walking down the tunnels that he had rigged, Naofumi held out his hand.

"Killer…Queen." He pressed down on his index finger with his thumb, as if he was holding a detonator. Obviously, he wasn't, but he had always held a passion for reading. Both Manga and Light Novel alike. What kind of otaku would he be without having a passion for Jojo's Bizarre Adventure?

Tossing a single globule behind him, he gained a particularly savage grin on his face as the tunnel he was walking away from exploded. Other tunnels did the same, a storm of fire and force that rocked the tunnel complex, while he ran out towards where he knew Raphtalia was. It was a simple plan where he rigged the tunnels in key areas to explode with enhanced bombs, she took the goblins where all of them would be caught in the chaos, and they could safely engage the Goblin Princess and safely rescue their comrade.

The beast-girl saw the hero running out of the darkness and knew what to do, throwing down her body, she let Naofumi leap onto her with a cry of, "Chain Shield!" The fire-storm that erupted outside scorched the Goblin forces black with relentless heat and burning flame.

X-X-X-X-X

In his cell, Naruto let out a yelp when the explosion rocked him further to the side and made the rope snap, "Oh crap!" he cried with clear fright in his eyes before his face met the shaking floor. Everything rumbled and shook, sending goblins tumbling and throwing around weapons from their shelves, some of which fell on unsuspecting goblins and killed them quickly.

But that wasn't important, with his bindings cut, he finally loosened an arm, "Ack, Princess Gally's hum-hum try to escape!" one of the guards exclaimed and tried to strike him with the non-bladed end of his spear. However, the boy's only free arm was more than enough to stop it while he used the extra room he had to slither out of the rope cocoon.

"Grr, you bastards will pay for stealing my stuff..." he growled as his grip and ridiculous strength allowed him to snap the spear in two. Armed with a stick, he looked around to locate his clothing quickly without his guard lowering. "Dammit, where'd you take it!?" he asked furiously and pointed the broken end at one of the guards.

"Hahahaha, Princess Gally took it to bask in its scent!" one of the goblins barked in laughter...and quickly got the sharp end of the stick nailed into its eye, killing it instantly.

"Alright, back to using my bare hands..." the boy said seriously in only his black boxers and a textbook taijutsu stance. Rather than charge them to attack them, the boy ran forward and observed the moves of four goblins, two of which had just entered the place, "See ya, suckers!" he exclaimed when frog-leaping over one's head, making sure to kick it to slam him into the other three!

Once out of his cell, he noticed the smell of smoke and could see some dead goblins and a couple hobgoblins with burn marks, "Grr...hum-hum I smell!" one snapped and turned to the prisoner, who cursed his bad luck and tried to think of a good escape route.

Sadly, the adrenaline was thinning out, "What the..." he grunted and held his head, shaking it, "Ugh, that damn poison's still working..."

"Not quite!" Galty said with a furious smirk, her eyes narrowed on the human boy, "Venom work fine, so Galty put more into body while hum-hum sleep with spiders."

"What...?" he asked groggily until noticing an odd sensation of tiny tickles on his neck. Reacting out of instinct, he smacked it and saw, to his dismay, that a spider had been on his tied-up body the whole time! "Are you kidding...me..." he suddenly felt as if all his blood plummeted right to his feet, making them heavier. '_I need an antidote, quick..._' his knees were wobbly, but the realization pumped more adrenaline into him.

"Sister Gally cry because of hum-hum and beast-one here!" Galty snapped and readied her bow, aiming at his head.

"Naofumi and Raphtalia?" he asked, slightly more alert.

The goblin princess let the arrow fly, "You wed and bed little sister Gally, now!" another poison-laced projectile flew straight at the boy, which he dodged by mentally kicking his ass and leaping to a wall, kicking the hard surface to gain momentum, and then kicking a nearby torch at her! "Gah!" she exclaimed when the fire obscured her vision and she stepped back, her burnt but alive troops stepping out of her way.

It was all Naruto needed to run off, "Okay, now to find the boss, Raphtalia-chan, and all my stuff!"

"Hold! You will not escape Princess Galty!" an arrow shot past his ear, whizzing through the air and impacting the wall. The twang of the arrow was enough to motivate him to keep running harder and faster than ever before.

"Sorry, but I'm not willing to be married just yet! Wait, why am I even apologizing!? SHIT!" He dodged the next proverbial-poisonous missile, flipping above a series of rock out-cropping. He spun around and kicked off the one he was currently wrapped around, just as an arrow pierced it all the way through to the back. Landing down with a, "Huh!" he turned around, seeing Princess Galty lining up a shot with his leg.

"You not get away human mate!" He nimbly darted, only to be surprised when she used a trick shot, ricocheting her arrow off a spongy bit of soil to have it ram all the way through his shoulder.

Putting the pain into words was somewhat easy in his mental state, "SON OF A MOTHER!" Cursing furiously, he ripped it out of his shoulder, clenching his teeth and holding a hand to his wound as his vision continued to blur through the sweat pouring down his face.

The adrenaline might be keeping him afloat, but it was also running him ragged. The poison that had just been doubled in volume through his veins made his head perspire like it was in a sauna. He felt like he was being dragged down into an abyss from which there was no escape. Collapsing against a wall, he panted weakly, holding his shoulder tightly as the she-goblin approached him, her bow notched with a final arrow.

Just as all hope seemed lost, a vision did appear through the burning flame, "Naruto!" Naofumi held a Flame Shield in his hand, a burnt and twisted metal one, "Get up!" he told the thief as he walked unimpeded through the fire and flames. The goblins who had been burnt ran off, cutting the others from going after them while Naofumi continued walking, approaching Naruto, "Don't worry, we're getting you out."

More goblins charged, but a short sword cut their chests open and dropped them dead, "Stand back!" shouted...a woman Naruto didn't recognize...until seeing her bushy tail and ears.

"Raphtalia...chan...?" he asked in disbelief at the tall, perky-breasted and nubile raccoon girl turned into a woman. He had read about the beast-kin and their powers as well as some of their abilities. Having to live in an orphanage with a nun assured some education, and Sister Felicity was devoted to make him a good man. "When'd you grow up so much?"

"It's thanks to Naofumi-sama and the head start you gave us." She answered and held her sword up.

"Thanks, boss." The kid gave him a weak wavery grin before frowning, "Be careful with that goblin chick…she's…she's really strong…" Naruto coughed weakly, his face turning slightly purple, "Ugh, dammit..."

"What's wrong?" Naofumi's question was granted the necessary amount of frustration and worry at the boy's sickly look.

Grunting as the extra poison plus spider bites he had been unaware of did their job, he answered while trying not to puke, "…she's…got a lot of poison arrows and stole all my stuff… Her little sister has it..."

After he gave the young man the information, he collapsed against a wall, much to Galty's joy as the goblin princess barked in laughter at his misfortune, "Finally, hum-hum really strong against spider venom! Galty use more spiders for honeymoon!"

"I'm not going to ask for details..." Naofumi commented to himself with a grimace at what the human-goblin hybrid's words meant, then tsked to himself, seeing his MP reserves drop low. He popped a mana potion, swigging it down and then tossing the bottle behind him, "Raphtalia, keep Naruto safe and prepare to run."

"Yes, Naofumi-sama!" the raccoon woman replied while helping the boy to his feet.

Princess Galty chortled to herself, seeing amusement in Naofumi's arrival, "Interesting hum-hum! Princess Galty never seen anyone use shield or be as good-looking! Plenty strong and unusual hum-hums with a lot of potential today! Ah~! Galty might get hum-hum hubby too! Your name…yes? Naofumi!"

She corrected herself, a Goblin usually referred to anything they saw as beneath them in some way by a third-person term such as hum-hum or Gobbo as a whole. To refer to them by name meant that they had officially started to consider them as being equal if not properly subordinate to them. To call them by their name meant the goblin had elevated someone's status from meat/slave/breeder to individual worthy of respect and adulation. Of course, being goblins, very few people knew the cultural importance they placed upon naming entities and things.

A goblin only called three people by their first names. Their immediate family. Their spouse. And their best friend.

"No thanks..." Naofumi said with a grimace while Raphtalia's tail puffed up in anger.

"You won't lay a finger on Naofumi-sama while I draw breath!" the raccoon woman snarled like an animal protecting her mate.

"Galty shall lay claim on good hum-hum!" the princess exclaimed and shot five simultaneous arrows. Whereas Raphtalia cut down two aimed at her vitals, Naofumi quickly morphed his shield into a magical one. An energy barrier made of green light blocked the other three which had been sent at non-vital points to pump him full of the same poison Naruto's body tried so hard to reject.

"Time to run!" Naofumi called out as he held Naruto's arm around a shoulder.

"For Gobbo Kingdom future, capture hum-hums!" Galty roared with a dangerous glint in her eye.

X-X-X-X-X

"Hey, Malty, what just happened?" Motoyasu had a serious question when he and the princess arrived with the rest of his party close behind to find a tunnel blocked by rocks.

"I don't know, the exit is supposed to be right here." Malty chewed her thumb aggravated, shaking from fury and trying to convey nervousness to keep her façade, "Royal soldiers went in and sent us directions right here." Lying was her best strategy, of course she knew how to enter the place after getting some soldiers needlessly killed for her agenda. Obviously, she had a contingency plan, "Oh, Motoyasu-sama, those horrible monsters must have closed the cave after the troops entered. What could've happened to them?"

"Don't worry, we'll rescue them and kill those ugly green bastards." Motoyasu beamed proudly as he twirled his staff.

"Ah, I knew we should've counted on you, but to think such a tragedy could befall us...?" Malty sighed dramatically to further wrap the gullible youth around her finger.

"Again, worry not, I know how to deal with these pests, though I'll have to rely more on magic in such a closed environment..." he rubbed his chin, loving how smart he sounded, '_Of course, it's only because I learnt from my first mistake at the game that the walls had physics. Eh, no worries._' In that game, his party had been killed by goblins when he focused more on gaining experience points.

"That's a great id-" Malty was halfway through her praise when they heard another voice.

"Out of the way!" a male's voice screamed followed by a large explosion!

"Kyah!" Malty yelped when the rocks that sealed the entrance to the goblin nest were blasted by fire. And from the smoke and flames none other than Naofumi ran out, boiling her blood, "You!?" she exclaimed as a tirade of insults and questions rushed through her head. Which were immediately halted when four arrows flew from it and went after her.

"Malty!" Motoyasu couldn't help himself and swatted aside the arrows, then narrowed at his fellow Hero, "Naofumi, what're you plot-"

"Get back here, future hubby!" Malty froze, going pale when she recognized the voice, "Galty want fun tonight!"

"Keep dreaming!" Raphtalia yelled at the top of her lungs when she jumped to a rocky wall, bouncing off it to launch herself at the goblin princess. Pulling out a dagger hidden under her skirt, the she-goblin parried the strike and dashed back to get more distance.

"Oh...crud..." Naruto groaned when seeing the others.

"You said it." Naofumi sneered in disgust at the faces he wished he'd never see again, "Stay here, we need to finish this off, fast." He wrapped his cloak around the still poisoned boy.

Meanwhile, Raphtalia and Galty were exchanging swings, "Raccoon hussy, strong hum-hums belong to Gobbo Royalty!"

"Shut it, you harlot!" Raphtalia had murder in her eyes as they clashed blades, "Naofumi-sama's too good for you!"

As Naofumi went to help Raphtalia, who had to pause her fighting to turn around and quickly cut a hobgoblin's throat before it smashed her head with a mace, Motoyasu turned to the blond boy, "Hey, are you hurt or can you run?" he asked the boy still covered by Naofumi's cloak.

Thinking quickly, Naruto covered his face with the cape and spoke in a young cute girl voice, "I..I've been poisoned... Those goblins...wanted me to..." he falsely sobbed, getting the Spear Hero's sympathy. It worked as well as he expected once he was handed not just any antidote but an expensive full-healing item.

"Here, drink this." Motoyasu turned to the fighting and then to his partners, "Alright girls, let's finish this! We can't let that shield bastard get ahead of us!"

"Yeah!" the three girls cheered while Malty narrowed her eyes at the kid, feeling that something was off. It was her fearing that it could be a girl with a deep infatuation for the Spear Hero, but she noticed too late that the teen had snatched two more vials of the same beverage.

"Thanks...sucker!" Naruto exclaimed and draped himself fully in the cloak, still wearing only his boxers but managing to hide his face in the shadows of the hood, "Oi, Shield Hero! I owe you one!" he tossed his boss and Raphtalia a vial each before rushing to join the fray.

"That voice...it's the Thieving Fox!" Malty grew furious.

"Ah, that cute girl tricked me again!" Motoyasu blushed a deep red, "Ugh, why couldn't I have gotten here sooner...?" he clenched his teeth in jealousy, '_Now that rat bastard Naofumi may try to get his way with a real hottie! Dammit! I wanted to flirt with the femme fatale!_'

For his part, Naofumi was more preoccupied with blocking a large bone used as a club by a hobgoblin and three regular goblins who jumped at him. As daggers hit his shield instead of his flesh, he staggered back. A momentary distraction that could've costed him dearly had Naruto not been close. The young thief leapt into the air and spun around, throwing his leg in a vicious kick that smashed all three goblins on the back of their skulls! His shin launched them straight into the hobgoblin's face.

"Sorry for the wait, Shield Hero!" Naruto said, winking at Naofumi under his hood. Then, he whispered, "Act like you don't know me, boss..."

"You're clever, kid." Naofumi whispered back as the two stood side by side, and then spoke firmly, "I don't know who you are, but if you can help us I'd appreciate it." He also had another pressing matter, which he whispered to the boy, "Let's hurry to find a way out, though. That idiot Motoyasu won't stay idle for long."

"I know an exit." Naruto told him, "Let's get Raphtalia-chan and run to it."

"She's still inside." Naofumi said and, true enough, the two males found the raccoon girl and the goblin princess engaged in mortal combat. At close range, Galty had no choice but to step back and keep a distance. Meanwhile, Raphtalia charged at her again and again with the still burnt and injured goblins providing little challenge in her fury.

"Beast-bitch!" Galty snarled as the two stood in a stalemate, dagger and sword pushing each other back.

"Green skank!" was Raphtalia's equally enraged reply as sparks flew between their eyes.

"Girls can be...quite scary." Naruto said blank-faced.

"Uh...yeah..." a dull-eyed Naofumi agreed before the sound of steps shook his head, "Raphtalia, we need to retreat!"

"Ugh...until next time!" the young swordswoman bared her teeth and leapt back to her Hero's side, "Where to now, Naofumi-sama!?"

"Follow me!" Naruto exclaimed, "With that Spear Dunce around, the goblins will be too busy to properly follow us, so let them fight!"

"Good plan!" Naofumi allowed himself a smile as all three raced to where Naruto first made his escape.

Just as he predicted, an angry Malty found a far more furious Galty standing with several goblins at her side, "Out of way, ugly hum-hum slut! Galty needs to get her man and little sister's hum-hum!" she exclaimed, fury in her eyes as she readied her arrows.

"You're dying here, you foul beast!" Malty growled and pulled out her sword, '_I shall have my revenge once I see you again, Shield Hero..._'

Our odd trio soon got to the same tunnel Naruto leapt into for a daring escape, "This is it?" Naofumi asked.

"Hold your breath and let the current take you, just brace yourselves, you two." Naruto replied and handed him back his cloak.

"Alright, we-" Raphtalia started, but her eyes picked up a light source as heat increased, "Watch out!"

All three ducked when a fireball flew past them, and Naruto soon saw little Gally there with his items in her possession, "Oh, you with hubby?" she asked with a crooked grin and fire surrounding her hand as well as five large hobgoblins in heavy armor behind her, undoubtedly her guards. "Gally wanted honeymoon, but hum-hum have strong allies and will."

"Your point?" Naofumi asked as all three got ready to fight.

Little Gally smirked widely, "Hubby go, so long as he and Gally fight." Her smirk widened, "Gally need hum-hum to be strongest if Gally want crown. Big sister Galty get Hero hum-hum, after all."

"She did not!" Raphtalia exclaimed.

"So, what better way to see who deserve crown than strong hubby?" Gally continued. "Galty get hero or Gally get cute thief. Winner can be worthy of Gobbo crown."

"Meaning you're letting us go to fight us another day..." Naofumi answered.

"Gobbo base ruined, Galty fighting heroes but she live, Galty strong warrior unlike young Gally." She giggled. "Gobbo sorcery good in Gally, so she study and practice to make Naruto hubby."

She handed them the boy's belongings, and after some hesitation, Naruto took them, "You know you're not my type, right?"

"Gally shall make Naruto change words at honeymoon." She smirked, then turned to her guards, "Help sister Galty, go back to Gobbo Kingdom."

"AT ONCE PRINCESS GALTY!" they banged shields and spears together as a single unified whole and walked back towards where they knew Galty was.

Gally turned her head back to Naruto, giving him a bright smile that made her fangs glitter in an adorably creepy manner, "Naruto! Gally won't give up even though you like human girls! Gobbo-girls never give up, one day, you will marry Gally! After Gally take heads of competition!"

"Ggh…just…just get out of here," he groaned out, rubbing the back of his head in aggravation.

She did as told with a skip and a giggle, to which Naofumi made an observation, "Is your luck always like this?"

"Just jump into the dark pit, boss." Naruto groaned out as he quickly put on his clothes, handing the hero back his cape. "I've had enough with that Spear Dunce thinking I'm a girl, now I get a goblin wanting to...do nasty things to me." he shuddered at the idea.

"What kind of nasty things?" Raphtalia asked, clenching the handle of her sheathed sword, "I'd like to be informed to properly...punish such impure thoughts."

As her tail fur stood on end, the two males thought in unison, '_All girls are dangerous..._'

**X-X-X-X-X**

And that's my rap!

Of course, this will have consequences for Naofumi since Malty is a bitch and saw him intruding in her plan to try to win over Naofumi and make him popular. However, while she will try to make sure it will bite him in the ass, Naruto is still trying to back him up. Just be patient. If you have suggestions and ideas, do share them. I've noticed some of you have more than good insight.

For now, I shall answer a question: Naofumi sees Raphtalia as a girl like it happened in the manga despite her already growing into an adult body, so of course Naruto noticed the change while he remains unaware. Since I don't have a clear timeline of how much time they've spent on their adventures, let's say they haven't gotten to Lute village. But, as Raphtalia said, Naruto's stolen money helped to get her into top condition a little earlier than in canon. I'll still leave her and Naofumi in their own adventures.

Also, just to clarify why Naruto didn't transform into Naruko or another sexy girl to fully fool Motoyasu, remember he was still poisoned and dealing with the effects of the venom. As for why he somewhat resisted it and why Galty had to put spiders on his body to keep biting him without him noticing – fantasy spiders – it's his Jinchuuriki perk. He was poisoned in the Wave Arc and kept moving despite cutting his hand, which contrary to popular belief will make the venom spread faster in one's body.

Now, what you probably wanted to see... a cat fight!

And yes, I am STILL keeping the pairing as Naruto/Melty and Naofumi/Raphtalia. Sorry, but the goblin princesses will remain...thirsty.

**OMAKE - Green Love vs. Fuzzy Heart!**

"Dirty rat!"

"I'm a raccoon, you filthy homewrecker!"

Naruto and Naofumi stumbled upon a true massacre. Goblins and hobgoblins alike were dead by Raphtalia and Galty's brutal duel for the sake of seeing who'd get Naofumi. Our male heroes could only just stare at the slaughter. Gore, blood and guts coated the walls and floor of the mine. Even Galty hadn't been forgiving if anyone got between her and Raphtalia. To the point their weapons were broken.

And somehow, after their blades snapped in two, the two landed on a pond and kept on fighting with their bare hands. One thing left to another as they pulled at each other's hair and clothes. The cloth gave away much easier. Raphtalia's shoulders and part of her bust was exposed as the upper part of her dress was ripped, letting her breasts jiggle. Her arms were locked around Galty's shoulders to try to pin her down while said she-goblin's skirt was ripped, revealing a skimpy loincloth which backside slipped into large green cheeks.

Somehow, Raphtalia was pushed down into the water as Galty smirked, holding her hair with a smirk, "Drown, Naofumi proper hubby of great princess Ga-ah!" she exclaimed when the raccoon girl grabbed her by the right boob and pulled her to the side, reversing their position. Raphtalia's hefty bumps swished inside a torn bra made of what remained of her top.

"I shall never let someone as impure of heart as you to-ow!" she gasped when Galty dug her nails into her wide buttocks. Due to the sensibility of her skin, she let go and was kicked off. As two dripping we warriors glistening with sweat over every inch of peachy and olive-green skin along droplets rolling off generous and seductive curves panted, the two males were unsure of what to do.

Other than keep watching as Raphtalia tore off the part of her skirt which had been ripped by Galty to reveal her juicy thighs, "Galty strongest, she get strong hum-hum hubby by beating lowly pet!" the she-goblin growled as she took off the remains of her top to reveal damp bandages as a bra. The two lunged at each other and it was Raphtalia who had some advantage as she went low, hooked her arms under plump goblin thighs, and pinned Galty under her to start slapping her hard.

"Naofumi, you bast-" it was then that Motoyasu arrived...immediately rocketing back with a massive nosebleed.

"Dammit, Raphtalia, we need to go!" Naofumi exclaimed and grabbed the half-nude raccoon.

"Wow, Raphtalia-nee-chan's amazing...if scary." Naruto said weary of the girl as she struggled to try to keep beating Galty.

"No, wait, Naofumi-sama! Let me defeat someone who'd dare to put you in such a lowly level!" the slave raccoon demanded, kicking the air.

"Argh, I shall get raccoon skank on round two!" Galty snapped, flicking her hand into a very rude gesture which Raphtalia childishly imitated.

However, the sounds of footsteps made everyone run off, hearing a cry of, "Motoyasu-sama!" from the Spear Hero's groupies and Malty.

**X-X-X-X-X**

Swordslinger out!


End file.
